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I’m not an alcoholic. That’s not a specific fight I’ve had to wage personally, even though I can certainly appreciate the struggle of addiction (like most of us if we’re being honest with ourselves). But over time, I’ve been exposed to the AA Big Book, and I believe there is an infinite amount of wisdom to be had in those pages for any of us who want to live a healthier, happier, more Christ-centered life. No matter what fight you are fighting. I’d like to share a specific nugget with you guys today.

I’ve been hurt. Haven’t you? I’ve hurt others. Same is true for you, right? It’s universal. We humans are really bad about hurting each other.

The problem is that usually when we’re the ones getting hurt, we can only see our pain and suffering. And when we’re hurting others, we generate a rash of excuses for why it’s acceptable or necessary behavior we are engaging in. There’s so much more to it than that. I am in full realization of that now, and it’s a powerful truth in my life.

On page 104 of the Big Book, it reads…

“We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.”

When people are sick, they let you know by casting shadows of their pain out into the world. Their actions will tell you more about how they are hurting and how they are coping with that pain than anything they could verbally articulate. Unfortunately, those shadows can sting people who get within striking distance of them. Many times, they unintentionally harm others.

We’ve heard this before. Here are a few reasons why it’s so critically important to internalize this truth on a daily basis.

First, it helps to process this fact when you are faced with someone who has wronged you. The amount of resentment and anger you muster up will be greatly reduced if you pause for a moment and ask yourself what is the wound that is creating this behavior in them. However they have wronged you, it is an expression of a sickness. A shadow of what’s inside. When you view your transgressor as having an illness, you immediately increase the amount of empathy and perspective you bring to the equation. Your mindset will shift from how you can get retribution for your pain to how you can help this wounded person before you.

Secondly, you can have more insight into your own behaviors and how, or why, you may be hurting others. If you can be more in touch with the sickness in your heart that creates harm, you can more effectively address it and limit the amount of pain you create for yourself and others moving forward.

I don’t say all of this to suggest that you use your own pain as an excuse for your actions toward others. Nor am I suggesting you give others a free pass for mistreating you, just because they are sick. BUT…the very best way to purge yourself of toxic resentment and to care for yourself and your own wounds is through helping others. The only way to redirect your natural tendency to be self-centered and self-obsessed is to think about other people and what might be happening in their lives.

It’s quickly becoming second nature for me to ask myself what’s going on with a particular person when I witness behavior that is harmful. Whether it’s me doing the harming, me getting harmed or me witnessing someone else being mistreated. I promise you that in almost all cases, there is a very good explanation (don’t misinterpret that for an excuse).  Look at people through your heart instead of your eyes, and at least try to understand that the person honking at you at the stoplight might not actually be angry with you. That your spouse’s explosion over not being able to find his or her keys might not be about the keys. That a kid mistreating your kid might not be as simple as the other kid being a bully just for the sake of bullying. That the actions of the co-worker who makes things miserable for you at the office might have nothing to do with whether he likes you or not.

We are all sick people, just trying to get well. The next time you are being hurt, try asking how you can help. Focus on that, and you’ll watch your pain melt away. You will care well for yourself, and you’ll make a positive impact on another person who is suffering and struggling.