Yoda vs. Diddy: The Truth About Trying

February 28, 2012 in Faith, Obedience | Leave a comment

Last night, I read this:

If you take a step out of your comfort zone and try something new in pursuit of your dream, it either will work out, or it won’t. That’s a 50% chance of success. If you do nothing, there’s a 100% chance you won’t succeed in pursuing your dream. (Paraphrased from Quitter by Jon Acuff)

On my way to work today, I heard this:

“Feels like there’s nothing that I can’t try…” (I’m Coming Home: Diddy, featuring Skylar Grey)

I guess my senses are heightened at the moment to the concept of “trying” something new. Still, I do think I’m getting a lot of signals through the airwaves. Including these two.

What I read in Acuff’s book affirmed an ancient truth I’ve known for my entire life of loving sports. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” This is just true, true, true.

Meanwhile, the hip hop lyric, which I’ve heard a thousand times, today clearly ran up against another mantra I’ve held dear. For the longest time, I’ve locked in on what the great philosopher and light saber wielder Yoda once told Luke Skywalker: “Do or do not. There is no try.”

So, yes, I know that I’m debating whether to trust in the wisdom of a tiny, green, backward-talking fictional Jedi or go with a single lyric from a hip-hop artist that changes his name like it was a television channel. I’m not arguing that I’m on shaky ground here. But I think there’s some great insight to be had in what P. Puff Daddy, Diddy, Diddy Money, Sean, Sean Puffy Combs, had to say in this song.

It feels like a very careful word choice. Maybe it was just convenient that it rhymed with “put yo hands high” but I think it was intentional. He didn’t say, “Feels like there’s nothing that I can’t DO.” He said “TRY”.

I’m sorry Yoda. I love you man.  But as motivational as your call to action is, I think Diddy got it right this time. There’s a space between doing it and not doing it. And it’s called trying it. It’s that moment when you step out in faith and give it a shot. That’s where I’m teetering. Leaning in to try. Still wrestling with what it is I’m supposed to try. Maybe it’s as simple as trying to trust. Guess I’ll see soon enough. Hopefully!

Brand vs. Being: The True Me

February 19, 2012 in Purpose, Relationship, Sin | Leave a comment

“Christ comes to restore and release you, your soul, the true you.” – Wild at Heart

My wife texted me this quote yesterday. It wasn’t the first time in the past week that I had been approached with thoughts about restoration, release, of being who I really am. What a great quote, though. We are free in Christ to be the actual creature He created. To be our TRUE self. The problem is we usually don’t take advantage.

I’ve spent a great deal of time professionally counseling companies on how to create a brand for themselves or a product or service. How to message and portray the “essence” of what they are selling. How they want others to think and feel about it. It’s all about image. Perception is reality. We’re all consumers, so this idea of a “brand” is not a foreign concept. As you walk down the aisles of any store, you see the packages lined up with their own distinct messages and colors and designs and shapes. They each have their own presence and personality. They all are projecting an image that they hope will make you buy them.

I do that in my everyday life. And I bet I’m not alone. I create a brand to project to the world around me. It’s partly who I am, but in many ways it’s far different. There’s an entire persona that I have to work hard to keep in tact that speaks to success in my career, my personality, my moral compass, my family life, my talents. An image that requires daily maintenance, and at the same time smothers the real me. The true me. That doesn’t afford for me to be human and to be okay with my flaws and confident in my own skin. That doesn’t allow me to show the world how I’m broken and how God is working in me. The true me.

There are two major problems with creating a brand to represent my being. First, a brand is an attempt to express something you are striving to be. It takes liberties with reality, glosses over flaws. You can easily lose yourself, who you truly are, in trying to keep up with the brand that you are putting out on the shelf.

The second problem is that I don’t fully control my brand. One of the basic tenets of brand management is that a brand is ultimately shaped and defined by the people you share it with. In the end, your brand is not what YOU say it is. It’s what others perceive you to be. So, now, in addition to altering my true being to project a different image, I’m also being subjected to labels and expectations by the outside world. And quickly, I can become really confused and insecure about who I really am.

I guess there’s actually a third problem with a brand. It doesn’t take long for your consumers to figure out that you don’t have it all together anyway. I mean, how many times have you bought a product based on the “brand promise” only to be disappointed in its performance? Happens all the time with products, and with people. Just because you smile big and put on your “Sunday best” doesn’t mean everyone is buying it. There’s no way to live up to the image, to deliver on the promise, leaving me deflated and defeated.

I want to be the true me. I want to replace my brand with my being. I want to live a transparent life and to have God work through it. While it would be a difficult, scary and taxing thing to do, I can just imagine how liberating it would feel and how powerful it would be in fulfilling God’s plan for me.

So my prayer is that I’ll allow Christ to restore and release me, my soul, the true me.

I Feel the Need

February 16, 2012 in Faith, Journey | Leave a comment

Maverick and Goose said it best. I feel the need…the need…for speed. And for a moment, I thought I was just being impatient and rash. But everywhere I turn, I only hear that I in fact need…speed.

As I’ve reached out to people I trust and poured through scripture, a theme has emerged.

Among the advice I received was the following:

Call upon the Lord *while he is near* (Is 55:6).

If God calls you to jump…jump fast.

Even scripture seemed to scream it. I was turning back to the passage in Luke 9 that so deeply affected me on Sunday. And then I kept reading, until I landed at verse 59. Jesus calls out to a man and says, “Follow me.” The man replies that he first needs to bury his father. Jesus famously responds, “Let the dead bury their own.” Another man said he would follow but first needed to go and bid farewell to those at his house. Jesus responds. “No one, having put his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”

That sounds a bit harsh. But the point was clear, and I think that was the goal. God doesn’t really want to hear excuses from me right now. He doesn’t want to hear that I’ll follow, as soon as I get some things in order. That I’ll be right there, just let me straighten some stuff out first. I’m on my way, I just need to…This could go on forever. It’s been going on for three years with me. It never seems like it’s the right time to fully invest.

It’s been a real struggle. Given my current situation, I feel like I should be quickly securing my family’s finances by finding a stable job, and then figure out what this whole ministry thing is about. After all, there are bills to pay. But a part of me feels like that’s just me trying to bury the dead or say goodbye or put things into place so that it’s convenient to follow Him.

My convictions tell me that finding another job like the one I have is taking the easy way out, and that I need to stand my ground and let God work. That I need to act on my calling NOW. But for the life of me, I just don’t see how that is going to work out. How it can possibly work out. How anything can remotely be okay. I mean, I have no concrete direction or plan. I don’t have even a fraction of the faith required.

I only have this undeniable urge to follow. A gravitational pull that won’t let me stand still. The need … for speed.

Get Ready for the Adventure

February 15, 2012 in Journey, Purpose | Tags: , | Leave a comment

What a week!

Less than 7 days ago, I was told my job might not be my job for long. I won’t bore you with the corporate blah blah. Let’s just say that it’s like one of those medical diagnoses where the docs can’t tell you exactly how long you have, but they can tell you the end is near. And there is no cure.

This is funny in a way. Just a few weeks ago, my wife and I had a talk at the kitchen table where I posed the question: “If this job starts to overtake my work/life balance, what should we do?” Looks like that’s a question God doesn’t need me to answer on my own.

I took this job, as you might recall, less than a year ago. It was a step of faith. I was leaving a job where I’d been gainfully employed for 8 years. And while nothing is guaranteed in corporate America, this was a safe job for the most part. It was not where I needed to be, but it was safe. So, I stepped out. And at the time, I understood that the job I was taking wasn’t necessarily what God had for me. It could very well be a stepping stone. The thing that uprooted me from my comfort and forced me to trust Him.

And here I am.

In the meantime, I’ve wrestled with a lot of things, questioned whether my heart was in the right place. As I’ve talked about before, I was placing so much emphasis on things that expire instead of things that are eternal. It was all about the kids having their swing set in the backyard, the house, the car note, the “success” in my career, the security, safety and “peace” of a stable income. Never mind what I was feeling on the inside, how I was being convicted.

On Sunday, I stumbled upon a 365 devotion book that one of my kids had received as a present. It had never been opened. It just went straight to the bookshelf. I turned to the first page, and read, “Are you ready for the adventure? Are you ready to do things ‘my’ way this year?” It went on to say that there was so much waiting for me, that I had no idea. Was I ready for the call?

An hour later, I was in a church service where the pastor absolutely destroyed me. I’ve never cried in church. Ever. EVER. But there I was, weeping, as every word was a cut that sliced me to the core. The main passage of scripture was from Luke 9:24 where it says, “For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. For what advantage is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?”

Just a verse earlier, Jesus says, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.”

My career is built around my desire to “save my life” to create safety and security for my family. To be all snuggled in and feel like we’re provided for and that all is well. I still believe I have a God-ordained responsibility to care for my family. And I’m torn as I write this because I want to follow God, and I want to answer His call. At the same time, I don’t want my kids to ever “want” for anything. And that type of mentality is exactly what will pigeonhole me right back into the life I was leading, where everything was fine as long as we had enough money in the bank and the ability to do what we wanted when we wanted to do it.

Following that church service, I told my wife over lunch that I felt like God was calling me to ministry. And in a full time capacity. What ministry means exactly is sort of a mystery right now. Church leadership? Non-profit? Cause based organization? But I’m trying to be faithful and follow through. Meanwhile, my job hangs in the balance and our “financial security” is tenuously dangling in the breeze. At the very least, a shift in my career to be service oriented would mean a dramatic decrease in pay. What else it would require is still to be understood.

So, I’m talking to people I trust and respect. Seeking counsel. Praying. And praying some more. What a week…

Fear is…

February 14, 2012 in Faith | Leave a comment

“Fear is vision without hope.”

– Mark Driscoll

Jesus Christ and Billy Beane

February 2, 2012 in Journey, Relationship | Tags: , | Leave a comment

I finally got to see the movie Moneyball after pretty much everyone else in the free world had watched it already. Sort of fits with my journey. For the few of you out there who are not a. baseball fans or b. Brad Pitt fans, I’ll quote IMBD and tell you that Moneyball is, “the story of Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane’s successful attempt to put together a baseball club on a budget by employing computer-generated analysis to draft his players.”

Not the greatest movie I’ve ever seen, but what an inspirational story. Billy Beane, after being a major disappointment as a player, finds himself in a no win situation with a team that has no payroll but still wants to compete with the New York Yankees and other big market teams. They have a decent season and then lose all their best players to other organizations. All the veteran baseball people on Beane’s staff try to go back to business as usual and rebuild the team the way baseball people have been rebuilding teams for as long as the game has been played. But what does Beane do?

He says that’s crazy. To try and play by the same rules and go through the same motions. And expect to be successful. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? So, instead, he goes completely off script and breaks every law and rule in baseball. And what happens? They win. A lot.

I think if Jesus were a general manager for a baseball team, he’d look a lot like Billy Beane. After all, look at the twelve disciples. Not exactly Yankee material. There were no Derek Jeter’s in that bunch. It’s hard for us to remember that God is actually very unorthodox. He does whatever it takes to win our hearts. He doesn’t need a script. He doesn’t bow to tradition and ritual. He doesn’t just keep grinding it out. He adjusts to the situation and reaches for us in very creative ways.

That’s been my story. I had stopped reading my Bible, wasn’t regularly attending church. Wasn’t really actively pursuing God. It took a while, but in the end, He showed up in His own way and reached me with non traditional tactics. I ended up on the road back to Him because He didn’t play by the rules. He played Moneyball.

I’m more spiritually awake than ever because of it. After sleep walking for 25 years, I finally stopped going through the motions. That’s almost as long as it took me to find two free hours to watch the movie. And so, I also am committed not to be chained and restrained by the way things have always been done and the way they are supposed to be. My ultimate role model has demonstrated to me that He doesn’t play by those rules. So why should I? Wouldn’t it be so much more effective for me to simply pursue Him and follow where He leads me? Unfortunately, that feels rather odd to a lot of people in our society today. But I’m with Billy Beane on this one.

Yesterday, I Said Tomorrow

January 29, 2012 in Faith, Journey, Obedience | Leave a comment

I was reading a powerful piece of fiction this weekend called “The Sense of an Ending” by Julian Barnes. In the following passage, the narrator is examining the effects of time as he looks back on youth. I took it as a deeply insightful symbol for my life, specifically my pursuit of God’s will.

“We thought we were being mature when we were only being safe. We imagined we were being responsible but were only being cowardly. What we called realism turned out to be a way of avoiding things rather than facing them.”

My last post was about fear. I suppose this one is about how I rationalize it. How I cover it up and tell myself it’s not so much that I’m afraid but that I’m just doing “the right thing” and not being irresponsible, spontaneous and rash. How I perpetually postpone God’s requests because I’m not in control of what happens if I follow through.

The narrator closes the passage by saying, “Give us enough time and our best-supported decisions will seem wobbly, our certainties whimsical.” I can surely imagine a future where I look back and say, “Wow, what a flimsy, irrelevant collection of excuses I had for not doing what God called me to do, for not being obedient.”

I was just introduced to a great quote that sums this up rather well. I don’t know where it originated as a phrase, but Nike has used it on billboards. It’s short but brilliant.

“Yesterday, you said tomorrow.” 

When I read that for the first time, it was as if God were speaking directly to me.

Ouch. That one hurts.

When Fear Eats You Alive

January 26, 2012 in Faith | Leave a comment

Last week, our pastor preached on fear. During the sermon, he referenced a famous missionary named John G. Paton who was responsible for bringing the Gospel to the New Hebrides Islands of the South Pacific.

The interesting part of his story is that the first missionaries to set foot on those islands were killed and eaten by cannibals only minutes after going ashore. But Paton wasn’t concerned with the prospect of being eaten alive by cannibals, because he hadn’t been eaten alive by fear. He was fearless in his pursuit of God’s will.

My pastor said something very wise that morning. He said that one of the fear-fueling lies we tell ourselves is that “what matters can be taken from us.”

I’m wrestling with God right now. Truly afraid to be obedient because of what it might, could, possibly, maybe cost me. I’ve convinced myself that what matters can be taken from me. And fear is eating me alive inside.

I am praying for the strength and the resolve to set sail, walk onto the shores of the island and say to the cannibals, “Dinner is here!” And to fearlessly pursue God’s will. After all, if I truly believe that nothing can take away what really matters, there’s really nothing left to fear.

How Badly Do I Want This?

January 7, 2012 in Relationship | Leave a comment

I read a great post recently on the LIVESTRONG blog talking about how to be successful in achieving New Year’s resolutions. In the post, it states:

“Changing your body, losing weight, gaining muscle, quitting smoking—every goal you desire will be difficult to achieve. At some point, you’re going to hit a bump in the road, be confronted with a challenge, and begin to doubt your ability to make real, lasting change. When that happens, don’t ignore your frustration.  Instead, acknowledge your anger. Channel your frustration and ask yourself one simple question: HOW BADLY DO I WANT THIS?”

While this article was aimed squarely at health and wellness goals, I saw a lot of application to my spiritual walk as well. Real, lasting change in the way I experience God is also difficult to achieve. And I will experience bumps in the road. I already have. Many times over. And it’s made me doubt whether I can really “get there”, whether I can successfully transform my life. Well, a great question for me to continually ask myself is the same one posed by this blogger.

HOW BADLY DO I WANT THIS?

My God wants this really bad. He wants nothing more than to be in close union with me. The only question is how much I want it. I have to be broken, desperate, at the point where there’s nothing I want more. Nothing I cherish more. Nothing I long for more than Him. That explains why I’ve failed so many times in the past. I wasn’t there. I didn’t want it. Not badly enough.

My prayer for today is that I can keep my priorities in line, that I can fuel my desires appropriately. That I can stay hungry and yearn for the  closeness with Him that I’m pursuing. I want to have the right answer to the question. I don’t want to fail because I didn’t want it badly enough. Not this time.

Building a New Character

January 2, 2012 in Faith | Leave a comment

“I simply do not build a new character so long as I place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.”

A friend of mine shared that with me several months back, and I parked it in the back of my mind as a consistent reminder. It’s an entirely appropriate truth to meditate on as I embark on building new character in the new year.

I think my friend quoted this from something else, and may or may not have edited it along the way. In any event, apologies for not fully and appropriately citing it. Regardless of author, it rings true. Watch where you place your faith. If you’re like me, you will misplace it from time to time. I’m starting 2012 with the right frame of mind. Let’s see if I can maintain it!

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Past Stops on the Journey

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