the way to (t)here

Saying Thank You

September 27, 2010 in Faith | Leave a comment

I was reading Psalms 105 today, where it talks about God’s marvelous and wondrous works, his righteous deeds. The glory of His name. His strength. His judgments. His everlasting covenant. The passage was calling for singing and sharing and seeking and remembering all the wonders God has delivered.

Over the past two years, God has been diligent to deliver marvelous and wondrous works in my life, over and over again. To be seen by me. To be heard by me. To share His will and his ways with me. And while I feel like I’ve thanked Him for most of the instances where He’s provided wonder in my life, I haven’t completely celebrated the way that Psalms describes.

As I meditated on this passage, I wrote down some simple practices that I need to commit to in order to fully receive the blessings God has and will bestow upon me. This is really basic stuff, but stuff that I hardly ever do when in a moment of His glory and wonder. I’d encourage you to do the same the next time you are witnessing an act of God, an answered prayer, a blessing.

Be Still. This is the hardest thing in the world for me. I am perpetually in motion. If possible I need to just rest in it for a moment, and let it soak in.

Be Alert. Concentrate on it and fully realize the gift. Accept it. I can’t appreciate it if I’m not focused on what it is and what it means. To understand exactly what God is saying to me by and through this work.

Be Grateful. This is usually the part we all get right. We say thanks and mean it. Being genuinely appreciative for the act should be a natural response for me.

Be Amazed. In awe. Speechless. Marvel in it. Truly acknowledge the glory of it. Each and every gift from God is a miracle. I can’t cheapen it just because it isn’t parting of waters or moving of mountains. Even the smallest of works by God is a big deal.

Be Fortified. Let it validate my faith in the moment, and serve as a reminder in the future when I am in doubt. Keep it stored in my mind so that in times of difficulty I will remember what the Lord has done for me.

Be Generous. Share it. Pass it around. Let others know the blessing I’ve received so that I might give hope to them and help solidify their faith as well.

The First Cut is the Deepest

September 20, 2010 in General | Leave a comment

Great Sheryl Crow song. I saw her in Arby’s once, buying roast beef with two huge bodyguards. Still find that a bit weird. But anyway…the first cut is the deepest. The first step is the hardest. The first of anything is the most difficult. Hurts the most. Holds the most resistance. Last Tuesday, I finally took the first cut at my book, the one I recently promised I would write. And it hurt. It was painful. I slogged through 15 pages and left myself underwhelmed. The lies ensued. The distractions began. The adversity within myself and beyond myself.

But Saturday night, while watching college football with some friends, a buddy asked me if I’d ‘started the book yet. I grinned as I said, “Yes, yes I have as a matter of fact.” I have broken the seal. Taken the hardest step. Being able to say that to my buddy took me from discouraged to encouraged in six seconds or less. I still am not thrilled with the first 15 pages, but that’s what editing is all about. I have a long, long, long way to go, but I’ve taken the first step, made the first cut, felt the initial pain and pushed through it, at least for the moment.

If Sheryl is right, and the first cut truly is the deepest, that’s good news. However, this theory doesn’t suggest that subsequent cuts don’t hurt. I expect to hit walls and hear lies all the way through this project. But there’s something about knowing you’ve already taken the opposition’s best shot that is invigorating. I say bring on the second cut. I feel certain I can manage the pain.

Grasping for the Wind

September 17, 2010 in Purpose | Leave a comment

Work stresses me out. Just did it again today as I was headed to write this post. So fitting and poignant. And frustrating. I know that when I allow work to overflow and affect other areas of my life that I’m missing the point. That I’ve lost my focus. That I am allowing my pride and my selfish nature to control my emotions and thoughts. Letting vanity reign supreme.

Ecclesiastes talks a lot about vanity, many times over stating that is like “grasping for the wind.” Several verses discuss this hollow pursuit.

Ecclesiastes 1:7 – All the rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full.

Ecclesiastes 2:10-11 – Whatever my eyes desired, I did not keep from them…my heart rejoiced in all my labor…I looked on all the works my hands had done…and indeed it was all vanity…There was no profit under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 6:7 – All the labor of man is for his mouth, and yet the soul is not satisfied.

Under the bright and cheery header of “Death Comes to All” it says in Ecclesiastes 9:11, 12 that:

The race is not to the swift,

nor the battle to the strong,

nor bread to the wise,

nor riches to men of understanding,

nor favor to men of skill,

But time and chance happen to them all.

For man also does not know his time:

Like fish taken in a cruel net,

Like birds caught in a snare,

So the sons of men are snared in an evil time,

When if falls suddenly upon them.

So, in other words, this pursuit of vanity is always in vain. It’s an empty, hollow, unresolved, meaningless voyage that has no validity or payoff or satisfaction in it whatsoever. Even with all that, it is so appealing and attractive. So dangerous. So easily turned destructive in times of prosperity as well as persecution. One more from Ecclesiastes:

Ecclesiastes 6:8,9 – For what more has the wise man than the fool. What does the poor man have, who knows how to walk before the living? Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of desire.

Wow, that says it all. Knowing how to walk before the living. With purpose. With strength. With resolve. With focus. Not waging a never-ending battle or filling a bottomless pit. Not chasing the invisible. Not grasping for the wind but pushing through it.

A colleague of mine at work, who is having to deal with many of the same issues that are causing me to stress to the point I can feel my hair tingle and my face twitch, shared this passage with me (and a few other people) surprisingly enough in the middle of a meeting. I was happy to see God interjecting. I needed it. She quoted Romans 5:3-4, which states, “…we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

As with most things, it boils down to perspective. When vanity reigns, I lose perspective of what’s truly important, and I make mountains out of mole hills. I’m doing that in my head even as I type this. Tribulations strike, and instead of me examining what I can learn from them, I get defensive, or sad, or mad, or defeated, or depressed, or vengeful, or spastic.

If I were to be a poor man who knew how to walk before the living, I would respond much different to adversity and chaos and discomfort. I wouldn’t hold up success in vanity and grasp at the wind. I wouldn’t feel defeated when I feel like I’m losing my grip on the wind. I would fill my hands with what’s important and possibly even pass it around to those I encounter.

Work is work and will always be work. It is going to be stressful. My particular situation is only going to get more difficult in the months to come, so this will be a good test for me. If I can keep it in perspective, have a little faith and keep my hands out of the wind, I will not only save my own sanity and strengthen my relationship with God, but I will set an example as well. This is my new work.

Really Radical?

September 9, 2010 in Journey | 1 comment

I was perusing the books in the Christian section of a Barnes and Noble last week, noting what a wide array of “self-improvement” titles were available to those of us seeking a deeper relationship with God. One book caught my eye with the promise of telling me how to be RADICAL for God. I snatched it up with great fervor, expecting to be inspired. I was immediately deflated.

In the back of the book, the author had a “challenge” with five steps to being “radical” for God. Of course, I skipped right to this section, since that was where the “wow” was to be found. (In my previous post, I shared my impatience problem.) As I read the formula, I couldn’t help but feel like I was in Sunday School as a child again. To summarize, being radical basically requires that you read the Bible from cover to cover, go to church regularly, tithe when you go to church and find ways to serve.

Please don’t misunderstand what I”m saying here. I’m not intending to be overly critical or suggest the author’s work wasn’t true to God’s word. I’m not suggesting there is anything inherently wrong with “Sunday School” or with any of the things the author suggested you do to be “radical.’

The problem I have with this line of thought is that I have attempted to do the things the author suggests and in no way moved closer to God. The problem is that most of these things can be mechanical and ritualistic. They can be surface level. They can be chores or checklists. They can be something we do out of obligation (in the name of discipline). Very easy to “go through the motions” and skim the surface. And yes, I fully realize I’m using a lot of “quotes” in this posting. I’m “sorry” but I can’t seem to “stop.”

Yes, feeding yourself with God’s word is good. Giving is good. Being in community is good. But if all of those things are executed in the way that I have consistently witnessed in my past, I don’t see how “radical” is the outcome. I see a much better chance at conforming to the norms of worship on Sunday mornings and the daily “to-do lists” related to your spiritual walk. I just don’t see true revival and closeness resulting from it.

On a positive note, I do think radical is the right word. The status quo of relationship with God as we’ve been programmed to approach it by our society and our religious institutions falls woefully short of what God wants to share with us. It does take a more radical departure from conventional wisdom or tradition.

For me, the following is how I’m striving to be “radical” in my approach. You’ll notice these aren’t necessarily radical steps, unless you compare them to normal protocols of religion and what you might have done if following your Christian handbook. By the way, in my experience, if you are able to achieve a more intimate relationship with God, most of the things “church” wants you to do will come naturally.

STEP ONE: Be purposeful. Intently pursue God. Ask, listen and obey. Invite Him to have a deeper relationship with me. Put aside any daily rituals or prescriptions. Interact directly and personally with Him.

STEP TWO: Be aware. Continuously question my motivations, examine actions, seek the cause and not the effect. Stay tuned in and focused, alive and awake, open not closed.

STEP THREE: Be real. Share my flaws, wounds, gifts and victories. Engage with others in a transparent way. Refuse to allow surface-level relationships with my community.

STEP FOUR: Be selfless. See a need, respond. As Jesus says in Matthew 10:8 – Freely you have received, freely give. Not talking the 10 percent equation here. In every way possible, as often as possible, give of myself.

STEP FIVE: Be thankful. Celebrate what God is doing. Pay close attention to how He is working, moving, acting. Give Him credit and acknowledgement for blessings, answered prayers. Continue connecting dots and deepening the understanding of how He is guiding and providing. Journal if needed, to ensure total recall of how He has intervened over time.

If I could somehow manage to stay true to these five steps in my faith walk, I guarantee you would notice. And you wouldn’t notice it in a “Wow, he is really plugged in at the church,” kind of way. You’d notice it in a “Wow, that guy is experiencing God” kind of way.

I’m finding it very hard to “practice what I”m preaching” here. And also still finding it hard to stop using “quotes” for everything. (Hopefully I can keep that habit isolated to this post.) Seriously though, what I described above is terribly frightening and difficult and in some ways unnatural and uncomfortable. But I feel like it’s how God wants me to truly experience Him. So, every day I wake up and try…to be “RADICAL”.

Patience is a Virtue

September 8, 2010 in Obedience, Relationship | Leave a comment

I am horribly impatient. This is likely the biggest challenge I have before me as I set out to write a book. I used to write poetry and songs a lot. Not because I was overly interested in that form of writing, but because it provided me with instant (or nearly instant) gratification. Songs and poems are bite-sized. You can knock one out in the afternoon and feel like you accomplished something special. But a book…whoa, a book. That takes, I don’t know, months…years even.

This hurry up to hurry up mentality I have makes a nice and easy transition over into my faith walk. I always want God to be acting in my life, answering prayers, moving mountains. I want to be pursuing Him, pushing through obstacles. Doing stuff.

I was reading in Proverbs the other night, and God reminded me that patience is not only a great Guns-N-Roses tune (whistle anyone?), it truly is a virtue as well. In Proverbs 20:3 it says “It is honorable for a man to stop striving…” Later in verse 22, it says, “Wait for the Lord, and He will save you.” Just a few pages back in Psalms (37:7), it says “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him….

There are probably many reasons why God would have it this way. I’ve come up with some major themes of my own.

#1 God may have different timing. I’ve blogged about this one before.

#2 Waiting, being patient, standing still is an act of obedience, of trust, of faith. Psalms 37:8 – Do not fret, it only causes harm. Don’t know about you, but I fret a lot. I expend a ton of energy because I am not disciplined. I flail around in the deep waters because I don’t trust that my Lord will help me float.

#3 It helps us be more effective and successful. It allows us to stabilize and to firmly establish our balance. To be prepared. Proverbs 20:25 – It is a snare for a man to devote rashly something as holy and afterward to reconsider his vows. When we act on impulse and move too quickly, we rarely sustain momentum. In most things you do, pressing pause and being still for an extra moment dramatically reduces the likelihood that you will make a decision you end up regretting.

I’m trying to do more resting in the Lord. This doesn’t mean I won’t (or shouldn’t) intently pursue a relationship with Him. It’s just that I need to be more fully disciplined and open. Seek and listen. More engaged than active. And when I’m ready, and He’s ready, God will move.

As GNR would say…

Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love, there’s one more thing to consider
Said sugar take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I’ll just use a little patience

Renewal

September 3, 2010 in Relationship | Leave a comment

Yes, still here. Nothing like declaring that you are going to do something big and then vanish for a while to build up suspense. Yes, still planning to write the book, but I’m also dedicated to continuing to blog. It’s been way too therapeutic and meaningful for me. My goal is to continue journaling here while I’m pressing forward on my big project.

In the meantime, I’ve been absent for a good reason. My wife and I celebrated our 8th anniversary last night, and we’re renewing our vows tomorrow night in front of some of our close friends and our boys. Earlier this year, I was moved to do this. I expressed my interest to Calie, who immediately agreed. We had let life, kids, work, money, stress, sin, etc. pull us apart and distance us from one another. We were building walls, one brick, one day at a time. And while we hadn’t hit the skids or experienced a real crisis, we were headed toward a host of other things that were just as dangerous. Apathy. Indifference. Exhaustion. Resentment. Etc.

After several attempts to plan our renewal, I finally got it all pulled together for this weekend. It will be a very special experience for us, especially for me. She is one of the greatest gifts God has blessed me with, and I want to fully honor her and the vows I made 8 years ago. I want to recommit, reconnect and revitalize our relationship. I want to change a lot of things for the better.

Marriage is a lot like your faith walk. It’s hard. It takes daily perseverance. It can wander off into a dark place quickly. In attempting to walk more closely with God the past year or so, I’ve been equally convicted to renew my relationship with Calie. I don’t think that was a coincidence. I believe that God uses her to nurture me, to show me truths, to deepen me. And that I serve the same purpose for her. At least that’s the design. And when we keep God involved in the relationship and our heads on straight, the design works perfectly.

Tomorrow, I say “I do” again. And I do. I really, really do.

Fear of Falling, and Failing

August 23, 2010 in Faith, Journey | Leave a comment

Fear of Falling Can Lead to Falls, Researchers Conclude

The headline from this news story was the first thing I saw in my inbox this morning. The article highlights a study in the British Medical Journal that shows a fear of falling among the elderly can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. “It can lead to a refusal to participate in activities, which can result in muscle weakening and loss of strength and balance, which increases the risk of falling.”

Ironically, I’ve been stressed lately about a fear of failing. My day job is extremely stressful and will only get worse over the next few months. I’m fighting to balance time for my wife and kids. And as I declared on Friday, I am determined to write a book, based on this blog.

With every step I take toward God, I can feel the spiritual warfare kicking in. The lies growing louder, the fears growing more intense, the junk I carry around inside me bubbling up with a newly found frenzy. Every wound I have is more intense these days, and it’s harder than ever to keep focused. It’s like the darkness starts fighting harder at the first glimpse of daylight.

And I am so close to bending to the fear of failing. I’m so close to allowing that fear to be the ultimate reason for failing. My own self-fulfilling prophecy. I am just now realizing how frequently I’ve lost this battle in my past. That has a dual effect internally for me. Half of me feels defeated yet again. The other half says, “No way, not this time!”

In the end, my goal is to press forward, step into what God has for me and trust Him. If failure comes, so be it.

But I am not going to fall just because I was afraid to fall. And I’m not going to fail just because I was afraid to fail.

I’m thankful God shared this article with me. Exactly what I needed to start my week.

My Next Move

August 20, 2010 in General | Leave a comment

I guess I’ve procrastinated long enough. I”ll share the grand plan with you now. When I first started writing this blog, it was mostly a way for me to journal and reflect on my journey. It quickly became a way for me to motivate myself and hold myself accountable by opening it to a handful of people around me. Just the idea that someone might check back in to read the blog was enough to spur me into maintaining it. Over time, I’ve been led to believe that someone out there might benefit from some of the things I’m going through, the insights God is sharing (no matter how simple), the struggles I am wrestling. And now, here I am, contemplating my next move.

Those who know me well, know that I am a self-proclaimed writer. It’s been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember, both professionally and personally. I’ve started and stalled on half a dozen novels, numerous collections of poetry and even a few non-fiction projects. I have enjoyed short stints as a freelance writer for sports publications. I even made it two years into an engagement to co-author a public relations textbook before pulling the plug because of “irreconcilable differences” between me and the publisher.

I’ve also internally debated how to use my interest in writing for a greater cause. I’ve talked to charities and causes. I’ve pitched books. I have burned endless brain cells with little in the way of breakthroughs. And now I am sitting on a pile of blog posts. A year or so of actively pursuing a deeper spiritual walk. Lots of mini epiphanies and glimpses of God. And finally, a realization that maybe this is the writing project I’ve been seeking. That maybe I should be taking the issues and insights I’ve discussed in this forum and further develop them into something more formal and constructed. So, looks like I’m writing a book on the topic of seeking God. Wish me luck.

In the name of full disclosure, I’ve been dreading posting this, saying it “out loud” because as usual I immediately am waging battle against the lies. Here are a few I’m hearing loud and clear, trying not to believe.

1. You aren’t a good enough writer to make this work. It’s not like you’ve been tremendously compelling with the blog so far. What makes you think you can complete a book on this topic?

2. What are you going to offer that isn’t already out there? The bookshelves are fully stocked with advice and guidance from leading experts, pastors, academics, celebrities, theologians, etc. Your “expertise” pales in comparison. Your story isn’t all that special.

3. Your motivations are not pure. Do you want to write this book to help others, to share what God has blessed you with, or are you just seeking validation? Are you just looking to have a sense of accomplishment? To hear people tell you that you’re a good writer? To be successful?

I could go on, but these are the three that dominate my daily thoughts. I share this because I have an unprecendented desire to be transparent and real, something that is missing from your average, everyday Christian. I have flaws. I have wounds. I have failures. I have doubts. I am human. I am a writer.

I am going to write this book, no matter how pervasive these lies become. No matter if some of them play out to be true. No matter if obstacles and roadblocks and challenges create a difficult path. And once it is done, I will give it to God and see what He has in His plan for it. Whether it was just to fuel my own personal walk or whether others will benefit from it, I will accept it fully with praise.

Words of Wisdom

August 19, 2010 in Relationship | Leave a comment

This is Part Three of my survey results. In this post, you will see words of wisdom shared by respondents when asked to offer one piece of advice to someone who is trying to grow closer to God. I have passed these thoughts along unedited.

Find a community of brothers/sisters. You cannot do it alone.

Focus on relating to God – that is what it is all about

Lean into God through quiet contemplation and prayer. Journal your story and your situation. Ask God to help you in your quest.

Know it’s ok to cry to God. He can handle it. Love like crazy.

You have to have faith, and be prepared for Satan to start throwing stones.

It has to become the number one priority. God WILL speak to us when we seek Him.

Walking closely to God is more about walking in close community of love and loving and serving His people.

Study the writings & lives of Irenaeus, Basil, John Chrysostom and other Christians of the first millennium

You have to know that He’s there to listen to you cry, celebrate, yell, etc – every part. He loves you more than anyone else can.

Hearing from God is the normal Christian life, not the exception.

It is not supposed to be easy-It will be the hardest thing you will ever do. And ultimately you will become like Christ- you will know what it means to be a man of sorrows.

It is a daily journey

Pursue the relationship as you would with another person and be aware of your perspective (history, wounds) and how that affects your approach to God.

Trust that he works through you–you don’t have to be put together or figured out to be used. Live in the chaos of it all. HE is there!

Let go…

Start slowly. Write down what you want to accomplish and try to accomplish one goal at a time instead of taking the whole thing head on. Don’t feel like a failure because one step seems like it takes forever.

Not a step method to complete, it is a daily always working it out!

Even when you don’t feel like doing it, try anyway.

A relationship only works with consistent communication – it’s no different with our relationship with God.

Trust, believe, and have faith!

Just keep trying. Don’t give up.

Read, pray and connect – Read scripture, pray daily and connect with other Christians in a vulnerable way.

This sort of thing is fiercely opposed.

Do the 12 Steps whether you’re an addict or not.

God is a good, loving, intimate Father.

Challenge God, then give him a chance to show you.

God is God and you’re not. (I’m not).

Read the Psalms. Don’t expect perfection.

God wants to be with us more than he wants us to clean up our stuff. Intimacy is the priority.

Be honest with Him even when you’re mad at him.

Know that with Jesus anyone at any moment can start a new future.

Get into or create a close network of believers and share your lives together for support and relationship.

Believing is Receiving.

Walk with a community of believers.

Get someone to hold you accountable.

Nothing… I would ask them questions to let them understand what God is saying to them.

Discipleship is a key part of a believer’s growth in relationship to God. Seek someone who has a heart for discipleship modeled after Jesus’ relationship with the twelve.

Just for today!!

You have to make it a planned priority or else it will get pushed out by the day-to-day challenges that present themselves. Satan will see to the fact that you “don’t have time”.

Really seek His face by reading His Word and praying that he would reveal himself to you; Surround yourself with friends that are desperately seeking God

Reset your brain. Your purpose is to glorify God, to be in community with Him and to be a steward of His gifts. Get that right and everything else will flow.

Next Up: The Point. What I plan to do with all of this (blog, survey, etc.).

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the way to (t)here

Saying Thank You

The First Cut is the Deepest

Grasping for the Wind

Really Radical?

Patience is a Virtue

Renewal

Fear of Falling, and Failing

My Next Move

Words of Wisdom

Recommended Reading

Areas of Interest

The Latest Steps

What You Said

Past Stops on the Journey

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