On the Run Again

December 8, 2010 in Sin | Leave a comment

I hate running. Absolutely hate it. Ask me if I want to play six straight hours of pick up basketball? Sure thing. But try convincing me to run to the mailbox and back and see where that gets you. Some people find running therapeutic. Freeing. And yes, it is great exercise. But it just isn’t for me. Unless there’s sin involved.

You see, when we’re talking transgressions, I lace up my Nikes and haul tail with the speed of a world-class sprinter and the endurance of a marathoner. I don’t do all that well with conflict, in the real world or the spiritual world. And so my natural reaction when faced with sin is to retreat. Hide from it. Hope it will just leave me alone and go away. We’re programmed that way, aren’t we? Most of us are ashamed by the sin in our life. It’s easy to just turn our eyes from it, or close them altogether. To run and hide. Ignore it and hope it grows bored with us and moves on.

But what’s the worst thing you can do when being attacked by something or someone? Answer: Turn your back. Once you retreat, once you give ground, you are toast my friend.

I opened my Bible tonight and prayed for God to place a scripture on my heart. To show me what I needed to see. It’s been a rough week already, and I am drained emotionally, physically, spiritually. And I’ve been running.

The scripture I landed on was 1 Chronicles 11:13-15. It talks about the mighty men of David. “Now there the Philistines were gathered for battle, and there was a field full of barley. And the people fled from the Philistines. But they (David’s men) stationed themselves in the midst of that field, defended it, and killed the Philistines. And the Lord saved them by a great deliverance.

After reading this, I backtracked to Chapter 10 where it talks about the demise of Saul and his sons, who also fled the Philistines and were slain on Mount Gilboa.  Following their lead, all the men of Israel who were in that valley saw they had fled and “they forsook their cities and fled; then the Philistines came and dwelt in them.” It closes by saying that Saul “died for his unfaithfulness” because he didn’t keep the word of the Lord and trusted in sources other than the Lord for his direction. As a result, God also turned the kingdom over to David.

Feels like God is telling me that I need to stand firm in the face of sin. To hold my ground and look it in the eyes. Fortify myself in Him and fight back. Attack it head on. And He will deliver me. If I retreat, I simply allow sin to move into my space and reside. Take over. Assault me and those close to me. And my lack of faith will not only negatively impact my situation but also might serve as a stumbling block to others who see me running. It will not allow me to be a positive influence and leader.

My goal is to not go down without a fight the next time sin comes into sight. Not to give any additional ground. And definitely not turn my back. This is a battle I can win. It’s a battle I must win if I want to continue my journey.

Wax On, Wax Off

December 1, 2010 in Faith, Journey, Relationship | Leave a comment

Ah, good ole Mr. Miyagi. What a classic movie character. Remember how he made Danielson wax cars, sand wooden floors, repair fences and paint his house all in the name of learning karate? It was a little unorthodox as far as karate training goes. But just look at the end result. You can’t argue with success.

Mr. Miyagi knew what he needed to do to prepare Daniel. And although Daniel didn’t fully understand how household chores were setting him up for the world’s most legendary crane kick, it eventually was revealed. The puzzle pieces came together. Amidst the chaos, a pattern was discovered. A method to the madness.

I’ve felt that way many times in my pursuit of God. Looking back on circumstances that made absolutely no sense to me in the moment or possibly didn’t even register with me at all, only to discover how they are connected to a greater, unseen strategy. Wax on. Wax off.

As I was climbing through our storage closet a few days ago, unearthing Christmas decorations to prepare our home for the upcoming holiday, I came across an old study guide that was left over from a small group my wife and I had attended more than five years earlier. Yes, I’m a pack rat. The guide was based on the book of Acts, and it was intended to carry you through the formative years of the early church. As I flipped through it, the only thing I remembered for sure is that our group only made it through a couple of weeks in the study before getting distracted. At the time, I was thinking of how many better ways I could have spent $30 bucks.

Like most study guides, there were a lot of questions to answer and blanks to fill as you went along. I was fascinated to read some of the things written down in my own handwriting. Things such as, “Be patient and the Spirit will move in you with God’s timing. God has a purpose for you.” And, “We are being trained to understand and use the Holy Spirit.” And, “They didn’t need to know endpoints. They were instructed to carry His word forward. They didn’t need a timeline. Power in faith.”

While simple in nature, these insights were so far beyond my readiness and comprehension at the time. I was not in a place where I truly wanted to deepen my relationship with God. I was in a study group because that’s what our friends and acquaintances were doing. I was just along for the ride. So, while intellectually I could respond to the scripture, jot down notes about its significance, I was not even close to internalizing and meditating on it. But there it was again for me, five years later, in the back of my closet. Waiting to be reaffirmed.

I believe that during a very dry and distant time for me, God was planting seeds. Giving me chores to do. At that point in my life, I would much preferred to have been scrubbing floors and painting walls than reading scripture and filling in blanks before sitting in a circle for multiple hours to talk about my feelings. But today, much of what was covered during the early pages of that study guide are right on target with my journey.

In one of the application sidebars in the guide, it offers tips for gleaning more from scripture as you read it. The last question it suggests you ask yourself is this:   

“How can this passage increase my knowledge of the Lord, not just my knowledge about Him?”

That is a great question. And a great way to differentiate where I am from where I was. Five years ago, I was approaching the small group and my other Christian pursuits to learn about Him and not of Him. The funny thing is, He was okay with that, and took the time to prepare me for the eventual journey I would engage.

I’m still not completely clear on everything. But some of the dots are getting connected. In the meantime, I will continue to wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off…

From Fighting Dogs to Football Dominance

November 17, 2010 in General | 1 comment

Yes, this is a sports-related post. For you who are not sports enthusiasts, read on anyway, there’s more to it than that.

Michael Vick is a convicted felon. He served two years in prison for running a dog-fighting operation where innocent animals were subjected to unspeakable cruelties. And last night, he capped a chilling and swift climb back to the life he once took for granted by turning in a historic performance during Monday Night Football, where he basically enjoyed the best night an NFL quarterback has ever had on a football field. Ever.

All along his journey, there have been endless questions about whether he “deserved” a second chance at playing football. Whether a team would be putting its morality into question for signing him. Had he been punished enough for his wrongdoings? Should the NFL refuse to let him back in the game? As he worked his way back into a starting QB role with the Eagles, the questions continued. And now, after a freakish and unbelievable athletic display in front of the entire football-watching nation, the first questions I heard on talk radio this morning were:  Has Michael Vick been redeemed? Is it okay to actually root for him now? Has he paid enough of a price?

I’m sorry. Since when is it our place to determine whether someone has been redeemed? No matter what sins they have committed. Why is it second nature for us to assume the authority and the responsibility for determining when someone else has “paid enough” for his or her wrongdoings? Yes, I understand there are legal penalties involved with criminal activity. And those were carried through with Vick. But why is it presumably okay for us as a society to  judge whether this man is forgiven? That seems highly hypocritical given the grace and mercy bestowed upon us by God. Right?

I’m not saying you have to personally like Michael Vick. I’m not asking you to condone or approve of his past transgressions. I’m not asking you to watch his games, buy his jersey or actively seek his autograph. But I think instead of focusing on whether we’ve been able to extract a pound of flesh from his body, we should focus on the redemptive story God is telling here. And I’m not just saying this because Michael Vick is my fantasy quarterback and helped me win a game this week with his six-touchdown performance.

I have no way of knowing Michael Vick’s heart. That’s for him and God to work out. But seeing what God has provided for him over the last two years is powerful. From a prison cell and public villany to running the offense for a playoff-bound professional football team, the transformation is nothing short of remarkable. Like him or leave him, that’s up to you. But I personally take this as a reminder of two very important truths: 1. I serve a mighty God and 2.  judgment is not in my job description.

Reading Between the Lines

November 10, 2010 in Relationship | Leave a comment

Some time ago, I read an article where some Christian writer guy basically told me I was reading my Bible wrong. He listed multiple ways people go about reading the Bible incorrectly. At the time, it outraged me. Seriously, it’s not good enough to read the Bible, but now you have to do it a certain way?!? The audacity.

I hereby dramatically withdraw my earlier outrage and objection…for the most part. While I still don’t agree with that author’s specific take on where people go wrong, I do think his overall point is valid. You can read your Bible incorrectly. Here’s my take.

At a basic level, I think most of us (which usually means me) have a tendency to take the words on the page literally. Additionally, we fail to “read between the lines” as they say. The Word of God, in my opinion, is not limited to the words written down in the Bible. He speaks truth in many ways. He shares His wisdom in many ways. His Word is living, breathing, dynamic.

2 Corinthians 3:3 – You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

According to Richard Rohr, “Mature religion fosters experiences of depth, not just belief in doctrines, which asks almost nothing of us.” If we are only turning to the Bible for a list of what to do and not to do, we are missing the bigger picture. Are the Ten Commandments a good list? Of course. But the Bible isn’t merely a playbook for how to keep on the straight and narrow. There is so much left to interpretation from His parables and the subtleties of expression. And there is so much to be said for how the Bible speaks to you based on where you are in your spiritual journey.

One of my neighbors has been digging in deep for the last five years, really growing her faith. Part of her experience has been to become a student of the Bible and to intimately understand the history, context, connection among verses and books and people. She told me there are so many insights just sitting there in front of her now that she never saw before, because she wasn’t ready to see them. I feel certain there are many, maybe countless, layers to God’s Word. And depending on where we are and what we are prepared to see, He chooses to peel a few layers back and invite us deeper into truth. In addition to its depth, I think His Word is ultimately flexible, and that He can show us multiple truths from the same passage, based on the experiences we are having at that moment.

So  yes, you can go wrong reading the Bible. Especially if you are reading it just to establish doctrines, protocols and guard rails for your faith, instead of seeking, trying to read between the lines, peel back layers and see what previously was unseen by you.  Or if you are leaning on it as the single source of insight from God and not understanding that His Word leaps from the page, literally.

Matters of the Heart

November 8, 2010 in Faith | Leave a comment

I spend a lot of time in my own head. Obsessing. Analyzing. Wrestling with truth. Stressing about life. Too often, it’s where I hold my faith as well. My beliefs. My compass. It’s hard for me to shake loose from this, but it is important that I do.

Isaiah 46:8 – Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart…

Isaiah 51:7 – Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have my law in your hearts…

Isaiah 59:12 – For our offenses are many in your sight, and our sins testify against us…fomenting oppression and revolt, uttering lies our hearts have conceived.

2 Corinthians 3:3 – You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

God calls rather clearly for us to gain freedom from our minds and feel our faith. To exist in the heart instead. It’s when we get our hearts right that we achieve greater peace in Him, not when our minds have it all worked out. In the mind, we can debate and defend our faith, but only in our hearts can we prove it.

On the way home today from a relatively unsuccessful family day out at the park, my wife and I were talking. As we drove by massive homes and sprawling estates, I remarked that even though I know money doesn’t cure all worries, I’d be interested to just know what it felt like to have the financial security the owners of these homes must enjoy. After a philosophical debate on the issue, she said that in the end it’s all about getting your heart in the right place. That’s what will make you happy.

She’s right. And I spent a lot of time today unhappy because I was once again living in my head, letting every minor inconvenience bend me out of shape. The perfect afternoon I had developed in my mind wasn’t happening just as I imagined, and from there, things quickly unraveled. Most times when I look back at situations like this, I made things worse because I was operating from my head and not my heart.  Many times when I’ve betrayed my faith, it isn’t because I didn’t “know” what to do, but because I “chose” not to do it. I let my thoughts dictate my actions instead of letting my heart guide them.

On the heels of my wife’s point of view today, I stumbled upon these verses which I had scribbled down in my notebook months before. They were just waiting for the right moment to resonate. The mind can be a prison. Thinking can suffocate feeling. And the shallow nature of thought will never bring the same peace as the depths that exist within the heart.  I encourage you all to stop trying to get your minds right and instead focus on your heart. If you center yourself there, good thoughts, happiness and freedom will follow.

Following the Leader

November 3, 2010 in Faith, Relationship, Sin | Leave a comment

A few years back, I served as an adjunct professor for a communications course. In that one semester, I learned two important things about teachers. 1. They are totally underappreciated. Wow, is that a tough job! 2. They don’t’ know it all.

As I stood there every Wednesday night, it became more and more clear to me that as an “authority” on communications I was expected to know all the answers and to have it all figured out. I didn’t. Not even close. Nor does any other professor or instructor who graces the classroom, no matter how experienced and educated he or she may be.

This is important because it reflects how many of us look for God. We look for him in authority figures, or unassailable icons like Billy Graham. We hang our spiritual hats on the religious leaders and “prophets” of our time. We expect they will have all the answers, and that they will guide us to a better place, closer to God.

This is why many of us have our faith shaken at its very foundation when a priest inappropriately touches an altar boy or a pastor is exposed for having an affair. Or even as simple as a church elder wronging us in some way or showing up as “unchristian” in some scenario. Putting this much pressure on spiritual leaders is as wise as expecting the same from our athletic heroes, who routinely show up in strip clubs with trash bags full of cash, drive their cars off cliffs, assault their wives and girlfriends and get publicly humiliated for having more mistresses than clubs in their golf bags.

Ecclesiastes 7:20 – For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin.

Powerful verse if you are paying attention to it. I’m not suggesting that it’s perfectly okay that a man of God sins in a way that not only impacts himself and his family but potentially everyone who holds him in high regard. Or that our spiritual leaders are having a tough time taking a higher moral ground than our celebrity athletes. But I am suggesting that each and every Christian leader  you choose to follow is flawed. He may not be pistol-whipping people in a back alley or juicing with performance enhancing drugs before taking the pulpit, but everyone has demons, wounds, internal battles that can easily spill into external wars.

Men and women who share the word of God and lead congregations have special assignments from on high. However, we shouldn’t hold them accountable to the standards forced upon them to be perfect, when the Bible clearly states in multiple places that the potential for perfection in man does not exist.

So we should be forgiving of their sins and learning from them.  Even though they typically are more sensational, with higher impact and much greater visibility than when we mess up, these leaders are after all human. We should never lose sight of that truth as we follow them.

Additionally, we shouldn’t take every word and message verbatim with no questioning or no seeking on our part to define what is true for us. We are all tour guides who haven’t actually been to the place we’re talking about. Who knows how wrong we’ve got parts of it. I’m not saying that no one out there has insight, or that no one knows anything. I’m not saying that God hasn’t shared wisdom with us, directly and indirectly, through His word.

I’m just saying that God wants to speak to us individually and if we open ourselves to Him, insight will come. We need to spend less time wandering around and showing up like sheep hoping some smart or inspired person will lead us to a deeper relationship. God doesn’t call us to be spoon fed by corporate worship. He calls for a one-to-one relationship.

1 Corinthians 1:20-22 – Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe.

And finally, we should not limit our search for God among people who “know it all.”

In the past year, I’ve been introduced and exposed to Christians who are struggling with sins and circumstances in their lives, including infidelity, sexual addictions, dependencies on drugs and alcohol, depression, anxiety, foreclosure, bankruptcy, abuse, neglect, abandonment, criminal activity, divorce, death, unemployment and sickness. You could easily draw the conclusion that these people can’t teach us much about God. They definitely don’t have all the answers. In fact, they probably don’t have ANY of them.

And you’d be sorely misguided in that assumption. In these beautiful and broken people, in each and every one of them, I’ve seen God, I’ve seen Him work, I’ve seen Him redeem and be glorified. And I’ve seen it in a way that traditional worship and corporate religious experiences can’t, and probably won’t, show me.  Go back and review the history of how God has shared His heart with His people. He has most commonly used busted, broken, fatally flawed men like the disciples and the most ordinary, unassuming and sin-pressed people He could find.

So, why is it that today we place unrealistic expectations upon our Christian leaders and demand that they successfully live out a fairy tale, Hollywood existence where they shower us with perfect prophecy and guide us perfectly down a golden path to God? The higher the pedestal, the farther the fall. Might I suggest we recognize that our leaders have a critically important role, but not an all-encompassing one? That we remember to err is human? That we take more responsibility on ourselves to see God as He intended? Through personal relationship and totally unvarnished gritty, real and redeeming experiences with the battered, the bruised and the broken around us.

Staging a Midlife Crisis

October 22, 2010 in Journey, Prayer | 1 comment

Oh, sure. I’m only 36. I’m not scheduled for a midlife crisis for another 15, maybe 20 years. Well, I don’t want to wait that long, so it is time to stage one. Let me explain.

As I mentioned several days ago, I’ve been reading a compilation of work by Richard Rohr. I’m doing it all wrong. It is supposed to be a series of daily meditations. I’m reading a week’s worth at a time and stitching them together to search for greater meaning. I’ve always been an overachiever. 

On Day 26 (which I’m reading on Day 3), Rohr poses the question, “Who are you really?” He suggests that a midlife crisis is the last real chance for men to make radical changes, and that God uses a midlife crisis to “shake the tree one last time and challenge us” to stop being who we think we’re supposed to be and finally be who we really are.

In an adjacent meditation, Rohr states that most men are not able or willing to step out of their comfortable, safe, predictable lives to truly respond to God’s calling, that most of us are unlike Peter, who immediately cast his net aside and left his livelihood of fishing upon being called by Jesus. And finally, Rohr says, “Many men are no longer on a journey. They’ve accepted the easy answers before they’ve struggled with the deep questions.”

To recap: I’m hiding behind easy answers to avoid the deeper, darker places. Likely unable to obey and respond to God’s call because I’m clinging to conformity and comfort. And it will take God rocking my foundation through midlife crisis to even have me truly consider dramatic change that would get me back on a real path.  Ok, that’s a lot to process. Which is why you are supposed to read one of these a day I’m sure.

Those who have been following this blog know that I’ve been on a journey. That I’ve been trying to get to the deep questions and not settle for the easy answers. That I’ve struggled with completely surrendering to the call. That I’ve longed to better understand what the call is in the first place.

In all this time, through all this writing, I’ve not prayed to God to show me. To really show me. To let me have it. I’ve been afraid of what He might ask of me. What it might mean. Well, I’m tired of being on a journey without truly being on the journey. Tonight I am praying to see it, whatever it is, as clearly as I can see it. If it impacts my comfort, so be it. I’m unsettled. I’m nearing crisis. I don’t want to drag it out to midlife, and miss another two decades of doing what I’m supposed to be doing here.

I am still working on the book, and I’ll complete that regardless. But I don’t really feel like that is the big goal God has for me. I don’t think He’s being trying to tell me, “Write that book,” this entire time. I’ve written a lot about not being ready in the past. And I might still not be fully prepared. But I am ready. So, God, I pray, please show me who I truly am!

Threshold of Transformation

October 13, 2010 in Journey, Prayer | 5 comments

My wife and I had a failure to communicate yesterday…and again this morning. And instead of talking through it (which duh, we’re failing to communicate after all), we fought instead. And left to start our respective days in anger and frustration. We made up via text as the day went along and agreed to try avoiding such nonsense in the future. It was as much closure as you can get via text.

When I got home from work tonight (following a going away party for my boss, make that former boss), my wife had already left for her weekly small group meeting. I parked the kids in their room and wandered into our bedroom to change. There was a book resting on my side of our bed called “On the Threshold of Transformation.” It’s a collection of teachings and writings from Friar Richard Rohr. Interesting. I scooped it up and began reading. It’s funny. Sometimes, even when we’re not communicating, she still knows what to say, or do.

Early on, the book states that for centuries, “males have been encouraged and rewarded for living an outer life of performances, which are usually framed in terms of win or lose…in such as world view there are only winners and losers, no in-between, and little chance for growth or redemption.” Yep, that about sums me up.

The book breaks Rohr’s teachings into 366 daily devotions intended to help you think differently and meditate on your manhood. I plowed through an entire week’s worth of entries before pausing to let them soak in. More to come on that.

This was just what I needed this week. A jolt to shake me from the numbing cycle of stress at work, stress at home, stress at work. It’s so easy to turn everything into the next great tragedy, no matter how small or petty it is. So easy to lose perspective and momentum. I called out earlier today for help…and God responded by delivering me some poignant reading through my lovely wife. Even when we have failure communicating, God doesn’t.

Deep Thoughts on the Dangers of Meditation & Yoga

October 11, 2010 in General | Leave a comment

This entry marks my 100th post to this blog. Wow, I feel really good about that.  In fact, I’d like to pause for a moment and reflect, maybe even meditate, on the journey thus far. Oh yeah, I said meditate. 

Which brings me to what I’d like to write about today. Each time I see Christians get bent over meditation, it stresses me out.  Please pardon the soapbox I’m about to mount.

Psalm 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God.

Meditation can clearly be okay. Yet it seems to me that many Christians are stacking it right up there with Ouija boards and seances. I understand those who believe if you meditate, you should meditate on God’s word and all, but even if you are simply clearing your mind and centering yourself, I really don’t see the harm. It has been suggested to me that you could be opening windows to evil spirits when you do this.  That you are trying to achieve equality with God.  I really, really, really don’t think the vast majority of Christians are intending to summon the darkness or rival God if they engage in meditation.

Just this past week, danger has been diagnosed for yoga as well.  Southern Baptist Seminary President Albert Mohler said of yoga, “That’s just not Christianity.” After attacking yoga in a recent essay, Mohler was bombarded with letters from Christians who defended the practice.

“I’m really surprised by the depth of the commitment to yoga found on the part of many who identify as Christians,” Mohler said in response. Gosh, I’m sure he was equally appalled to discover the number of Christians who buy organic food. I don’t even want to know where he stands on Zumba, but all that hip shaking and dance music surely are of the devil.

So, again, I ask you…how many Christians who practice yoga are doing so with intentions to replace, supersede or block out God?  My wife has practiced yoga for years, and it has been instrumental in strengthening her health and all but eliminating pain associated with a herniated disc in her neck. Not once has she looked at yoga as a spiritual outlet or attempted to ascend to an equal plane with God. Mental and physical therapy? Yes. But that is it.

I don’t think it does Christianity any favors for Christian leaders to march against things like meditation and yoga. Why don’t we also attack Halloween, Santa Claus and Disney World? Oh, crap, never mind. We’ve already done all that.

For me, it all goes back to intention. How are you approaching the topic at hand? There’s a great ad slogan that says, “Guns don’t kill people. People do.” In the same way, yoga isn’t brainwashing unsuspecting Christians and leading them away from God. In fact, I’d argue that meditating and yoga are two exercises that enable most people to get more connected to God.

I’m not suggesting you go blindly into a practice like meditation and chant a bunch of things you don’t understand, but at the same time, I am under no delusion that clearing your mind for 30 minutes or going through a watered down, popularized version of meditation is going to lead you to the gates of Hell. And neither is downward dog, for that matter. With all this, I’m not saying meditation and yoga (and whatever is next on the protest list) are categorically okay. What I am saying, is that they definitely aren’t categorically wrong. 

I truly wish our Christian leaders could find more appropriate issues on which to focus. There is so much to discuss and debate. I’m just not sure why we need to spend time bending ourselves over backwards for something that is closer to weight-lifting than devil worship.  Meditate on that, Mr. Mohler, if you can.

Insert Substance Here

October 5, 2010 in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

So, I don’t really have anything pressing to share today. Survived another long Monday. Realized it had been several weeks since my last post. Feeling stunted in my growth at the present moment. I suppose I should ask for prayer, just that I would be able to get the train rolling again and get back to the business of being in relationship with God. I didn’t wander off course this time. I bolted down the side of the hill and into oncoming traffic.

That’s really it. Don’t even know if this counts as a post, but it is where I am. Tonight, I’m feeling a bit empty and in need of substance. Thanks for the prayers.

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