You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Relationship’ category.
Yesterday, I was reading in Jeremiah, of how Israel had strayed far away from God, how it had been extremely rebellious. God’s request of them? Three simple words. Return to Me. That’s really all He asks of us. No matter how far afield we go, no matter how much and how often we mess up. He’s always there, waiting for us to return.
I used to write songs quite a bit. Music has always been an escape and an outlet for me. Between blogging and cluttered, busy days, I’ve barely had time to touch my piano, or the guitar I had almost learned how to play. But in trying to write this blog post, I decided to dust off my songwriting chops. Below is a working draft of a tune called Return to Me. Let me know what you think.
RETURN TO ME
V1:
There I go again
So predictable
Falling out of faith
Forgetting how to walk
Caught up in the maze
Trapped within the walls
A million miles away
Refusing to obey
Chorus:
I’m blinded by the shiny things
I’m caught up in an old routine
I’m drifting out there aimlessly
And still you say
Return to Me
I’m sliding backward every day
Best of intentions slip away
I contradict the words I pray
And still you say
Return to Me
V2:
There I go again
So predictable
I forsake my King
With choices that I make
These chains are heavy now
Constantly weigh me down
Been a thousand days it seems
Since I’ve been free
{Chorus}
V3:
There you go again
So predictable
You always hold your ground
Same today, same tomorrow
I run so far, so fast
But you never move
You are rooted deep
Waiting patiently
{chorus}
Before there were machines for such things, a threshing floor was used remove harvested grain from its stalk and husk. It was a flattened surface, usually circular and paved. Often it was shared by several families or entire villages, and it was usually placed outside the village where it could be exposed to wind. The farmers would spread the sheaves of grain across the floor and use animals such as donkeys or cattle to thresh the grain by walking around in circles and dragging a heavy board behind them.
This activity would literally tear the ears of grain from the stalks and loosen the grain from the husks. Afterward, all the grain and broken stalks would be tossed into the air with a tool called a “winnowing fan”. The chaff and straw would blow away with the wind, while the heavier grain would fall to the floor, ready to be collected.
I keep bumping into references to “threshing floors” while reading scripture lately. The last time it happened, I was finally curious enough to find out what a threshing floor actually is. In researching threshing floors, I uncovered the information above, and I came across an article by Don Walker who wrote:
“I believe that worship for us is to be a time of “threshing”, when God separates the “wheat’ from the “chaff” in our lives. When we enter into worship, we are stepping on to God’s “threshing floor” where He deals with those things which need to be “winnowed” out of our lives. ” http://www.preteristarchive.com/PartialPreterism/walker-don_pp_04.html
More broadly, I feel like this is a metaphor for our ongoing relationship with God. I’ve written before about circling the drain and consistently encountering and addressing common challenges and issues you have. While we circle, I also believe we undergo this threshing process, where God literally separates us from those things that separate us from Him.
Threshing is such a painful sounding word. The entire process sounds painful. Especially if you are the grain. Think about it. First, you get harvested from your resting place and carted over to this pit in the middle of nowhere with gusting winds. You are thrown on a paved surface where heavy animals trample about while dragging a large, heavy piece of wood over you, with the specific intent of tearing you into pieces. Then, as you lie there in several pieces, you are scooped up, tossed into the air, where the wind blows scatters parts of you across the way and the rest of you lands back in a pile on the floor. Ouch.
A relationship with God is going to include pain. Really choosing to be in a close relationship with Him requires threshing. A lot of threshing. A violent battle with parts of yourself. A tearing, trampling, wind-blown experience. I have been carried to the threshing floor several times this past year. Each time, it is painful, uncomfortable, slightly agonizing. But every time I commit and see it through, I exit in a better form, cleaned of unnecessary parts, more focused and concentrated, closer to the grain He planted in the first place.
So the swarm balls and deserts
Seventy feet up, in a black pine tree.
It must be shot down. Pom! Pom!
So dumb it thinks bullets are thunder.
I love Sylvia Plath. She was a tragic, dark woman surrounded by trials and tribulations. Her life ended abruptly in suicide. But her writing is haunting and gorgeous and sustains her as one of the most influential poets of modern times. Agree?
The above is the way she closes a poem called “The Swarm”. I read it for the first time in a long time just the other day.
As my limited web research tells me, when bees swarm, sometimes they cluster in a ball high in a tree. They stay there until they decide where they want to go. Loud, sudden noises can make them come down to a lower level where the beekeeper can reach them and collect them. From here, the bees can be easily led and managed. In Plath’s poem, a shotgun blast does the trick.
I compare this to my journey in that it is easy for the world to make a loud noise, cause me to take my eyes off God, to lose focus and to spiral into the danger zone where I am easily led and managed away from my safe place on high. The loud noises are so tempting. They scream for attention. They are so very effective.
Remember when Peter was walking on water toward Jesus? He was doing great. But then the wind got “boisterous” and he hesitated, he became unfocused, he took his eyes off God…and he started sinking. Just like those bees. Down and out.
Sometimes the loud noise that gets me is just a distraction. Sometimes a wound. Sometimes a worry. A wavering of faith. A temptation. In any event, it can be hard to fight the instinct to turn my head or duck upon hearing such a noise. Even when I’m walking on water, hearing from God in major ways, a loud clap can snap me right out of it. And down I go. Lured away. Dumb enough to think bullets are thunder.
Ah, good ole Mr. Miyagi. What a c
lassic movie character. Remember how he made Danielson wax cars, sand wooden floors, repair fences and paint his house all in the name of learning karate? It was a little unorthodox as far as karate training goes. But just look at the end result. You can’t argue with success.
Mr. Miyagi knew what he needed to do to prepare Daniel. And although Daniel didn’t fully understand how household chores were setting him up for the world’s most legendary crane kick, it eventually was revealed. The puzzle pieces came together. Amidst the chaos, a pattern was discovered. A method to the madness.
I’ve felt that way many times in my pursuit of God. Looking back on circumstances that made absolutely no sense to me in the moment or possibly didn’t even register with me at all, only to discover how they are connected to a greater, unseen strategy. Wax on. Wax off.
As I was climbing through our storage closet a few days ago, unearthing Christmas decorations to prepare our home for the upcoming holiday, I came across an old study guide that was left over from a small group my wife and I had attended more than five years earlier. Yes, I’m a pack rat. The guide was based on the book of Acts, and it was intended to carry you through the formative years of the early church. As I flipped through it, the only thing I remembered for sure is that our group only made it through a couple of weeks in the study before getting distracted. At the time, I was thinking of how many better ways I could have spent $30 bucks.
Like most study guides, there were a lot of questions to answer and blanks to fill as you went along. I was fascinated to read some of the things written down in my own handwriting. Things such as, “Be patient and the Spirit will move in you with God’s timing. God has a purpose for you.” And, “We are being trained to understand and use the Holy Spirit.” And, “They didn’t need to know endpoints. They were instructed to carry His word forward. They didn’t need a timeline. Power in faith.”
While simple in nature, these insights were so far beyond my readiness and comprehension at the time. I was not in a place where I truly wanted to deepen my relationship with God. I was in a study group because that’s what our friends and acquaintances were doing. I was just along for the ride. So, while intellectually I could respond to the scripture, jot down notes about its significance, I was not even close to internalizing and meditating on it. But there it was again for me, five years later, in the back of my closet. Waiting to be reaffirmed.
I believe that during a very dry and distant time for me, God was planting seeds. Giving me chores to do. At that point in my life, I would much preferred to have been scrubbing floors and painting walls than reading scripture and filling in blanks before sitting in a circle for multiple hours to talk about my feelings. But today, much of what was covered during the early pages of that study guide are right on target with my journey.
In one of the application sidebars in the guide, it offers tips for gleaning more from scripture as you read it. The last question it suggests you ask yourself is this:
“How can this passage increase my knowledge of the Lord, not just my knowledge about Him?”
That is a great question. And a great way to differentiate where I am from where I was. Five years ago, I was approaching the small group and my other Christian pursuits to learn about Him and not of Him. The funny thing is, He was okay with that, and took the time to prepare me for the eventual journey I would engage.
I’m still not completely clear on everything. But some of the dots are getting connected. In the meantime, I will continue to wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off…
Some time ago, I read an article where some Christian writer guy basically told me I was reading my Bible wrong. He listed multiple ways people go about reading the Bible incorrectly. At the time, it outraged me. Seriously, it’s not good enough to read the Bible, but now you have to do it a certain way?!? The audacity.
I hereby dramatically withdraw my earlier outrage and objection…for the most part. While I still don’t agree with that author’s specific take on where people go wrong, I do think his overall point is valid. You can read your Bible incorrectly. Here’s my take.
At a basic level, I think most of us (which usually means me) have a tendency to take the words on the page literally. Additionally, we fail to “read between the lines” as they say. The Word of God, in my opinion, is not limited to the words written down in the Bible. He speaks truth in many ways. He shares His wisdom in many ways. His Word is living, breathing, dynamic.
2 Corinthians 3:3 – You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
According to Richard Rohr, “Mature religion fosters experiences of depth, not just belief in doctrines, which asks almost nothing of us.” If we are only turning to the Bible for a list of what to do and not to do, we are missing the bigger picture. Are the Ten Commandments a good list? Of course. But the Bible isn’t merely a playbook for how to keep on the straight and narrow. There is so much left to interpretation from His parables and the subtleties of expression. And there is so much to be said for how the Bible speaks to you based on where you are in your spiritual journey.
One of my neighbors has been digging in deep for the last five years, really growing her faith. Part of her experience has been to become a student of the Bible and to intimately understand the history, context, connection among verses and books and people. She told me there are so many insights just sitting there in front of her now that she never saw before, because she wasn’t ready to see them. I feel certain there are many, maybe countless, layers to God’s Word. And depending on where we are and what we are prepared to see, He chooses to peel a few layers back and invite us deeper into truth. In addition to its depth, I think His Word is ultimately flexible, and that He can show us multiple truths from the same passage, based on the experiences we are having at that moment.
So yes, you can go wrong reading the Bible. Especially if you are reading it just to establish doctrines, protocols and guard rails for your faith, instead of seeking, trying to read between the lines, peel back layers and see what previously was unseen by you. Or if you are leaning on it as the single source of insight from God and not understanding that His Word leaps from the page, literally.
A few years back, I served as an adjunct professor for a communications course. In that one semester, I learned two important things about teachers. 1. They are totally underappreciated. Wow, is that a tough job! 2. They don’t’ know it all.
As I stood there every Wednesday night, it became more and more clear to me that as an “authority” on communications I was expected to know all the answers and to have it all figured out. I didn’t. Not even close. Nor does any other professor or instructor who graces the classroom, no matter how experienced and educated he or she may be.
This is important because it reflects how many of us look for God. We look for him in authority figures, or unassailable icons like Billy Graham. We hang our spiritual hats on the religious leaders and “prophets” of our time. We expect they will have all the answers, and that they will guide us to a better place, closer to God.
This is why many of us have our faith shaken at its very foundation when a priest inappropriately touches an altar boy or a pastor is exposed for having an affair. Or even as simple as a church elder wronging us in some way or showing up as “unchristian” in some scenario. Putting this much pressure on spiritual leaders is as wise as expecting the same from our athletic heroes, who routinely show up in strip clubs with trash bags full of cash, drive their cars off cliffs, assault their wives and girlfriends and get publicly humiliated for having more mistresses than clubs in their golf bags.
Ecclesiastes 7:20 – For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin.
Powerful verse if you are paying attention to it. I’m not suggesting that it’s perfectly okay that a man of God sins in a way that not only impacts himself and his family but potentially everyone who holds him in high regard. Or that our spiritual leaders are having a tough time taking a higher moral ground than our celebrity athletes. But I am suggesting that each and every Christian leader you choose to follow is flawed. He may not be pistol-whipping people in a back alley or juicing with performance enhancing drugs before taking the pulpit, but everyone has demons, wounds, internal battles that can easily spill into external wars.
Men and women who share the word of God and lead congregations have special assignments from on high. However, we shouldn’t hold them accountable to the standards forced upon them to be perfect, when the Bible clearly states in multiple places that the potential for perfection in man does not exist.
So we should be forgiving of their sins and learning from them. Even though they typically are more sensational, with higher impact and much greater visibility than when we mess up, these leaders are after all human. We should never lose sight of that truth as we follow them.
Additionally, we shouldn’t take every word and message verbatim with no questioning or no seeking on our part to define what is true for us. We are all tour guides who haven’t actually been to the place we’re talking about. Who knows how wrong we’ve got parts of it. I’m not saying that no one out there has insight, or that no one knows anything. I’m not saying that God hasn’t shared wisdom with us, directly and indirectly, through His word.
I’m just saying that God wants to speak to us individually and if we open ourselves to Him, insight will come. We need to spend less time wandering around and showing up like sheep hoping some smart or inspired person will lead us to a deeper relationship. God doesn’t call us to be spoon fed by corporate worship. He calls for a one-to-one relationship.
1 Corinthians 1:20-22 – Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe.
And finally, we should not limit our search for God among people who “know it all.”
In the past year, I’ve been introduced and exposed to Christians who are struggling with sins and circumstances in their lives, including infidelity, sexual addictions, dependencies on drugs and alcohol, depression, anxiety, foreclosure, bankruptcy, abuse, neglect, abandonment, criminal activity, divorce, death, unemployment and sickness. You could easily draw the conclusion that these people can’t teach us much about God. They definitely don’t have all the answers. In fact, they probably don’t have ANY of them.
And you’d be sorely misguided in that assumption. In these beautiful and broken people, in each and every one of them, I’ve seen God, I’ve seen Him work, I’ve seen Him redeem and be glorified. And I’ve seen it in a way that traditional worship and corporate religious experiences can’t, and probably won’t, show me. Go back and review the history of how God has shared His heart with His people. He has most commonly used busted, broken, fatally flawed men like the disciples and the most ordinary, unassuming and sin-pressed people He could find.
So, why is it that today we place unrealistic expectations upon our Christian leaders and demand that they successfully live out a fairy tale, Hollywood existence where they shower us with perfect prophecy and guide us perfectly down a golden path to God? The higher the pedestal, the farther the fall. Might I suggest we recognize that our leaders have a critically important role, but not an all-encompassing one? That we remember to err is human? That we take more responsibility on ourselves to see God as He intended? Through personal relationship and totally unvarnished gritty, real and redeeming experiences with the battered, the bruised and the broken around us.
I am horribly impatient. This is likely the biggest challenge I have before me as I set out to write a book. I used to write poetry and songs a lot. Not because I was overly interested in that form of writing, but because it provided me with instant (or nearly instant) gratification. Songs and poems are bite-sized. You can knock one out in the afternoon and feel like you accomplished something special. But a book…whoa, a book. That takes, I don’t know, months…years even.
This hurry up to hurry up mentality I have makes a nice and easy transition over into my faith walk. I always want God to be acting in my life, answering prayers, moving mountains. I want to be pursuing Him, pushing through obstacles. Doing stuff.
I was reading in Proverbs the other night, and God reminded me that patience is not only a great Guns-N-Roses tune (whistle anyone?), it truly is a virtue as well. In Proverbs 20:3 it says “It is honorable for a man to stop striving…” Later in verse 22, it says, “Wait for the Lord, and He will save you.” Just a few pages back in Psalms (37:7), it says “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him….
There are probably many reasons why God would have it this way. I’ve come up with some major themes of my own.
#1 God may have different timing. I’ve blogged about this one before.
#2 Waiting, being patient, standing still is an act of obedience, of trust, of faith. Psalms 37:8 – Do not fret, it only causes harm. Don’t know about you, but I fret a lot. I expend a ton of energy because I am not disciplined. I flail around in the deep waters because I don’t trust that my Lord will help me float.
#3 It helps us be more effective and successful. It allows us to stabilize and to firmly establish our balance. To be prepared. Proverbs 20:25 – It is a snare for a man to devote rashly something as holy and afterward to reconsider his vows. When we act on impulse and move too quickly, we rarely sustain momentum. In most things you do, pressing pause and being still for an extra moment dramatically reduces the likelihood that you will make a decision you end up regretting.
I’m trying to do more resting in the Lord. This doesn’t mean I won’t (or shouldn’t) intently pursue a relationship with Him. It’s just that I need to be more fully disciplined and open. Seek and listen. More engaged than active. And when I’m ready, and He’s ready, God will move.
As GNR would say…
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love, there’s one more thing to consider
Said sugar take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I’ll just use a little patience
Yes, still here. Nothing like declaring that you are going to do something big and then vanish for a while to build up suspense. Yes, still planning to write the book, but I’m also dedicated to continuing to blog. It’s been way too therapeutic and meaningful for me. My goal is to continue journaling here while I’m pressing forward on my big project.
In the meantime, I’ve been absent for a good reason. My wife and I celebrated our 8th anniversary last night, and we’re renewing our vows tomorrow night in front of some of our close friends and our boys. Earlier this year, I was moved to do this. I expressed my interest to Calie, who immediately agreed. We had let life, kids, work, money, stress, sin, etc. pull us apart and distance us from one another. We were building walls, one brick, one day at a time. And while we hadn’t hit the skids or experienced a real crisis, we were headed toward a host of other things that were just as dangerous. Apathy. Indifference. Exhaustion. Resentment. Etc.
After several attempts to plan our renewal, I finally got it all pulled together for this weekend. It will be a very special experience for us, especially for me. She is one of the greatest gifts God has blessed me with, and I want to fully honor her and the vows I made 8 years ago. I want to recommit, reconnect and revitalize our relationship. I want to change a lot of things for the better.
Marriage is a lot like your faith walk. It’s hard. It takes daily perseverance. It can wander off into a dark place quickly. In attempting to walk more closely with God the past year or so, I’ve been equally convicted to renew my relationship with Calie. I don’t think that was a coincidence. I believe that God uses her to nurture me, to show me truths, to deepen me. And that I serve the same purpose for her. At least that’s the design. And when we keep God involved in the relationship and our heads on straight, the design works perfectly.
Tomorrow, I say “I do” again. And I do. I really, really do.
This is Part Three of my survey results. In this post, you will see words of wisdom shared by respondents when asked to offer one piece of advice to someone who is trying to grow closer to God. I have passed these thoughts along unedited.
Find a community of brothers/sisters. You cannot do it alone.
Focus on relating to God – that is what it is all about
Lean into God through quiet contemplation and prayer. Journal your story and your situation. Ask God to help you in your quest.
Know it’s ok to cry to God. He can handle it. Love like crazy.
You have to have faith, and be prepared for Satan to start throwing stones.
It has to become the number one priority. God WILL speak to us when we seek Him.
Walking closely to God is more about walking in close community of love and loving and serving His people.
Study the writings & lives of Irenaeus, Basil, John Chrysostom and other Christians of the first millennium
You have to know that He’s there to listen to you cry, celebrate, yell, etc – every part. He loves you more than anyone else can.
Hearing from God is the normal Christian life, not the exception.
It is not supposed to be easy-It will be the hardest thing you will ever do. And ultimately you will become like Christ- you will know what it means to be a man of sorrows.
It is a daily journey
Pursue the relationship as you would with another person and be aware of your perspective (history, wounds) and how that affects your approach to God.
Trust that he works through you–you don’t have to be put together or figured out to be used. Live in the chaos of it all. HE is there!
Let go…
Start slowly. Write down what you want to accomplish and try to accomplish one goal at a time instead of taking the whole thing head on. Don’t feel like a failure because one step seems like it takes forever.
Not a step method to complete, it is a daily always working it out!
Even when you don’t feel like doing it, try anyway.
A relationship only works with consistent communication – it’s no different with our relationship with God.
Trust, believe, and have faith!
Just keep trying. Don’t give up.
Read, pray and connect – Read scripture, pray daily and connect with other Christians in a vulnerable way.
This sort of thing is fiercely opposed.
Do the 12 Steps whether you’re an addict or not.
God is a good, loving, intimate Father.
Challenge God, then give him a chance to show you.
God is God and you’re not. (I’m not).
Read the Psalms. Don’t expect perfection.
God wants to be with us more than he wants us to clean up our stuff. Intimacy is the priority.
Be honest with Him even when you’re mad at him.
Know that with Jesus anyone at any moment can start a new future.
Get into or create a close network of believers and share your lives together for support and relationship.
Believing is Receiving.
Walk with a community of believers.
Get someone to hold you accountable.
Nothing… I would ask them questions to let them understand what God is saying to them.
Discipleship is a key part of a believer’s growth in relationship to God. Seek someone who has a heart for discipleship modeled after Jesus’ relationship with the twelve.
Just for today!!
You have to make it a planned priority or else it will get pushed out by the day-to-day challenges that present themselves. Satan will see to the fact that you “don’t have time”.
Really seek His face by reading His Word and praying that he would reveal himself to you; Surround yourself with friends that are desperately seeking God
Reset your brain. Your purpose is to glorify God, to be in community with Him and to be a steward of His gifts. Get that right and everything else will flow.
Next Up: The Point. What I plan to do with all of this (blog, survey, etc.).
In the recent survey I conducted, I asked people to share a book that helped them improve their walk with God. Below are some of the entries I received. BIG DISCLAIMER: I have only read a few of these titles, so I can’t vouch for them or say that I personally agree with their approach or conclusions. All I can say is that others have found them to be very useful. My personal list of recommended reading is tacked on at the end of this post.
The People’s Choices:
Crazy Love – Francis Chan
Wild at Heart – John Eldredge
The Kneeling Christian – Author Unkown
My Utmost for His Highest – Oswald Chambers
A Generous Orthodoxy – Brian McLaren
Mere Christianity – C.S. Lewis
Jesus Calling – Sarah Young
Sacred Romance – John Eldredge
Practicing the Presence of People – Mike Mason
Thirsting for God in a Land of Shallow Wells – Matthew Gallatin
A New Kind of Christian – Brian McLaren
What’s So Amazing About Grace – Philip Yancey
The Gift of Being Yourself – David Benner
Return of the Prodigal Son – Henri J.M. Nouwen
Searching For God Knows What – Philip Yancey
From the Inside Out – Larry Crabb
Listening to Love – Jan Meyer
The Calvary Road – Roy Hession
Blue Like Jazz – Donald Miller
The Secret – Rhonda Byrne, Joel Osteen
Alcoholics Anonymous (aka “The Big Book”)
The Book of Psalms
Abba’s Child – Brennan Manning
Scandalous Freedom – Steve Brown
Culture of Honor – Danny Silk
The Ragamuffin Gospel – Brennan Manning
Fruits of the Vine – Carey Walsh
Grace Abounding – John Bunyan
Putting Amazing Back into Grace – R.C. Sproul
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover – Robert Moore, Douglas Gillette
My Personal Choices:
Wide Awake – Erwin Raphael McManus
The Fischer King – Robert Johnson
The Purpose of Man – A.W. Tozer
Walking on Water – Madeleine L’Engle
The Book of Isaiah
My Last Lecture – Randy Pausch
Paradise Lost – John Milton
Next Up: Words of Wisdom. The advice people shared for those of us pursuing a deeper relationship with God.
the way to (t)here 
What You Said