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At some point, you’ve likely heard a
smoker say the following: “I just quit smoking. Again.” You’ve probably watched a friend or family member lose a lot of weight, just to put it all back on again. Or how about this? How many times have you declared on January 1 that you are going to hit the gym regularly? How long did that last?
It’s really difficult to sustain healthy behaviors when it comes to taking care of our bodies. I find the same goes for spiritual health. Removing sin “for good” instead of just “for now” is incredibly challenging.
The reason is that we tackle both our physical and spiritual health the same way. We try to attack our vices or bad habits through sheer will power, determination, discipline and resistance. And then we pat ourselves on the back as we have success. Every day we dodge a cigarette or a cupcake. Every time we resist a temptation.
In my life, I’ve learned the hard way that this approach will only take me so far. If I’m not getting to the root of the problem, deeply understanding the motivation behind my actions and the things that trigger me, I just don’t have long-term success. My victories are short-lived and then I’m right back at square one. Defeated and ashamed.
The real problem with discipline and resistance as a way of combatting sin or cigs is that you are only dealing with the “action” and not the “attitude”.
1 Timothy 5:24 says, “The sin of your heart is the sin of your hands.” That’s a powerful verse. For me, it says that patting myself on the back just because I resisted sin is foolish. I can only contain my hands for so long. If my heart is not in the right place, my hands will find a way to escape the feeble chains I’m using to suppress them.
If I’m merely avoiding the act but desiring the action, then I’m still sinning. I’m still struggling. And it’s only a matter of time before that manifests itself in an unhealthy way.
This is a different thought process than I’ve had before. For years, I looked at sin as being external. Am I behaving or am I misbehaving? But sin is internal. The sinful act is just a visible expression of the sinful attitude. And sometimes it takes a while for it to show up. But as the passage above points out, sooner or later, it will be seen.
I’m not saying that fleeing sin isn’t a great first step. The Bible says to resist Satan and he will flee from you. But without closely evaluating and caring for your heart, you can’t run far enough away to truly escape.
Ask anyone who has been successful with a diet, exercise plan or quitting a habit like smoking, and they will likely have a story about how it required that they face and overcome internal obstacles. The same goes for spiritual health. Talk to anyone who has “quit” a sin for good and they will share how they transformed their heart instead of only training their hands to do no harm.
Discipline vs. Obedience
Motivation vs. Inspiration
Process vs. Outcome
Constraint vs. Abandonment
Ritual vs. Revival
Robotic vs. Spontaneous
Religion vs. Relationship
Anyone can follow rules. But can you pursue God?
Wrestling with God. It’s evidently a very popular expression. Turns out there are several books with this title, endless sermons posted online, quote upon quote. Until yesterday, I had never actually heard it used as a formal phrase.
My wife and I were at dinner, celebrating her birthday. A nice big steak and a tasty glass of Malbec, paired with some surprisingly deep and rich conversation. We were philosophically discussing our lives, our purpose, where we are, where we want to be. My wife shared with me something her counselor told her earlier in the week. He said she was wrestling with God. Not fully trusting Him, not fully giving up control to Him. A few days later, one of her friends repeated that exact phrase to her, and it struck her deeply. I thought it was all very interesting, particularly the concept of wrestling with God. I could relate to that. It felt like a really appropriate visual for much of my recent journey.
This morning in church, the pastor was talking about simplifying life. And he talked specifically about wrestling with God. There it was again. God’s definitely trying to communicate with my wife and I. The pastor talked about Jacob, who went from “heel grabber” to “man who wrestles with God.” He talked about being called to run away from something really good so that we can receive the very best. That hit home with me.
God has been making my comfortable life very uncomfortable lately. I’ve been subjected to exceptional stress at work, and I’ve been waging internal wars. God has been tugging on me, pulling me toward something. And I”ve wanted to go, but in typical fashion, I’ve dug my feet in, locked my legs, wrapped my arms and started wrestling. The closer I get to whatever the “it” is, the more it scares me. My comfortable life. I make so many excuses for why it needs to be the way it is. Why I need to strive for that next promotion. Why I need to make a better life for my kids. Why I need to provide more financial safety. I’m paralyzed. Trapped. Extinguished. I’m out of the game.
Everything the pastor said this morning stabbed me like knives running to my bones. I’m caught up in materialism. I lie to myself, saying I need the next “thing” so that my family can be more comfortable. Meanwhile, I’m inviting more and more stress into my life. I’m teaching my kids that success in the world’s eyes is what defines them. I’m constantly distracting myself and my family with stuff and more stuff. All the while, I’m just giving God lip service, turning coward the moment I think I might be asked to experience sacrifice.
I can feel God leaning in, pushing me to either take a stand or fall away. I can feel Him calling me to stop with the heel grabbing, reaching out and grasping for the feet in front of me. I feel Him calling me to stop complicating matters and getting swept up in the rat race, to do as it says in Hebrews 12:1 – to run with perseverance the race marked out for me.
My stomach has been in knots for three weeks. External situations, coupled with my internal debates, have created choppy, rolling waters that toss me about and make me seasick. And I don’t even fully understand what God is asking of me yet. But I do know it’s reaching a climax, a moment of truth, an act of closure. And in the meantime, I’m wrestling with God. Trying to obey. To trust. And to potentially run away from something really good to experience the fullness of what He has for me. Even if that means getting really uncomfortable in the process.
Ha! That headline got your attention, didn’t it!
I’ve been reading Ezekiel’s story. In the early chapters, he’s seeing and hearing God very clearly, complete with great clouds engulfing themselves in raging fire and such. I’m impressed by his resolve and his obedience. And yes, cow dung will come into play later. Keep reading.
First God tells him to go and talk to these really difficult and rebellious people. Whether they listen or not, tell them about the Lord. Oh, and by the way, there’s no chance they are going to listen to you. Then He says, don’t worry, even though you’ll be in the middle of briers and thorns, dwelling with scorpions. Oh, and not a big deal, but they will probably put ropes on you and bind you with them, but I’ll make sure your tongue clings to the roof of your mouth so that you won’t voice disapproval. Oh, and the food I give you, I’d like for you to bake it using a pile of human poop, and…
At this point, Ezekiel finally says, “Hold up, wait a minute, um no way.”
And God responds with a compromise of sorts saying, “See, I am giving you cow dung instead of human waste.”
Well, ok then. That changes everything!
Ezekiel was being asked to do a lot. And for the most part, he just kept saying yes. And doing it. Following what God asked of him. Being obedient. I’m a little rusty on my Ezekiel history, so I’m hoping he doesn’t fall off the wagon before the end of the book. As it stands in chapter 6, he seems to fully understand his duty as a man of God.
In Ecclesiastes 12:9-14 it talks about the “whole duty of man.” It says not to over complicate the matter. Too much study is wearisome. There can books upon books and still no conclusion. (Yes, I see the irony in the fact that I’m about to throw one more book upon the pointless pile!) In the end, the answer is as simple as this: “Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.”
Fear God, as in respect Him, honor Him, defer to His will. And then keep His commandments, as in be obedient. Like Ezekiel was doing without hesitation, right up until the baking his food in human waste thing.
I may not have seen God in a flaming cloud, but I have seen Him in equally obvious ways. And He may not have asked me to risk my safety to deliver His word and to use cow dung to bake my food, but He has pushed me with requests that are hard and uncomfortable. I’m being stretched even as I log this post. My whole duty as a man is to simply follow the call. Stretch and be stretched. Keep His commandments as best I can. Whether I agree with or even understand the master plan He has for me. And yes, hopefully, poop plays no great role.
It was another typical Sunday morning. Best of intentions to find a new church home. Lots of reasons why it wasn’t a good day to start the hunt. Both of our kids were getting over illnesses, and it didn’t feel exactly right to unleash them on an entire children’s ministry.
After a lengthy debate, my wife and I decided to go and settle in with the boys on the back row of Rolling Hills Community Church. We hoped we could at least make it through half the service. We worried we might be a disruptive force.
I was feeling overly compelled to attend the service, to the point where I was pacing and getting anxious at the prospect of us not making the trip. As it turns out, God had quite a bit to share with me this morning, which explains the ants in my pants.
I’ve been writing and praying a lot about momentum lately, as I prepare for the weekend writing retreat that is supposed to kick my book into high gear. And wouldn’t you know it, today’s sermon was the grand finale of a series titled MOMENTUM. I suppose that was just God’s way of saying, “Welcome back to my house!”
I heard God’s voice throughout the entire message. Loud. Clear. Direct. It literally could not have been a more timely and tailored discussion for me. The focus was on sharing momentum with the world around you. The pastor talked about not keeping the momentum you’ve built all to yourself but opening it up to others and being a spark, an agent of change.
Internally, I’ve been wrestling with this very issue. Ok, great, so I’ve decided that I will write this book. That I will actually finish this book. I have tried not to think too much about what happens next, because it will almost surely require that I get uncomfortable and stretch myself. When I do catch myself thinking about next steps, I just start second guessing whether I’m writing something that will actually make a difference at all. Will it only be something that I can say I’ve done? That seems shallow, hallow, almost pointless. I want to be a spark. An agent of change.
As the sermon started, we had managed to occupy most of the back row, sprawled out with an impressive collection of diversionary tactics – crayons, iphone, blackberry, chocolate. The kiddos were shockingly well-behaved, thank you Angry Birds and Brick Breaker, which allowed me to focus as God continued to nudge me. With almost every statement, question, insight the pastor shared, God would break a piece off and hand it to me. Among the deliveries were the following:
Helping others get going. Pushing them through inertia. Restarting them. How do we become that kind of person?
Are you reaching out?
Time to stand up. Get off the sidelines.
Be faithful. Be steadfast.
Don’t be distracted.
Live His will.
Any idea what obedience could mean?
What it could lead to?
How do you share?
What is God calling you to do?
And finally, the big one.
ARE YOU READY?
At this point, I felt God so strongly the building could have rumbled, and I would not have been surprised. I’ve written several posts in the past about feeling that God wanted me to be patient, that I wasn’t ready yet. Now, suddenly, it wasn’t a statement any longer. It was a question. Are you ready? Even the way the pastor delivered the question felt like a direct message intended only for me. I got chills.
I said yes beneath my breath and gulped. I’m ready. For what? Great question. I’ll tell you when I know. But for now, I’m ready. I have my momentum for the weekend. God is speaking to me. I’m ready.
My wife is a popper.
Of zits, that is.
My zits to be specific.
If I get one on my back or shoulder, she will literally tackle me, try to pin me down and pop it. Just a gross and unexplainable hobby of hers. Obviously the zit needs popping. And it’s not like I can use my go go gadget arms to reach it. But oh the pain! Maybe that’s why she likes to do it.
For those of you who have never struggled with acne, let me provide you with some context before I go further. I’m something of an expert. In junior high, I had a slight pimple problem. After being nuked from the inside with medication that is now banned from stores (thanks mom and dad), I was able to rid myself of most of the unwanted visitors on my face. Years later, I do still have the occasional acne sighting.
When you try to pop a zit, it hurts, and the closer you get to popping it the more it hurts. It’s an intense, searing pain that builds, until suddenly, the pressure is gone. Finally, I’m going to get to the point here. Sin is the same. As you try to address your personal demons, they will get louder and claw and bite and fight. Just before you break through, it will hurt like hell. And then … relief.
The problem is most of us turn around and retreat to numbness and comfort instead of pushing through the pain. We let the sin fester beneath the surface, allowing it to grow bigger and stronger, risking infection and further complications.
When you choose to engage sin, it hurts. We just have to be prepared to push, push, push through it.
I guess when it comes down to it, I’m a popper too!
As my boys and I were huddled over heaping bowls of Cheerios this morning, Disney channel blaring in the background, living room already littered with cars and puzzles and trains and dinosaurs and dragons, I started to feel a little hypocritical.
Our family is between church homes at the moment, and we’ve fallen into a bad pattern the last several weeks, getting out of the church routine altogether. Replacing it with just another day of daily chaos. We’ve been discussing options, but not really acting on them. And it’s feeling like we’re not walking our walk. This is just one of several examples where lately I just am not aligned between words and deeds.
Flipping through some scripture, I landed on Job 27:8-12 where he poses several questions related to hypocrisy:
What is the hope of the hypocrite, though he gain much, if God takes away his life?
Will God hear his cry when trouble comes upon him?
Will he delight himself in the Almighty?
Will he always call on God?
Great questions to ask in times of insincerity, when I’m wandering from where God would have me be. When I’m not being genuine and authentic and truthful. When talk and walk aren’t aligned.
We all have our moments of hypocrisy. In our professional lives, our personal lives, and in particular, our spiritual lives. I often get caught up in my own pursuits, and forget to delight in God where I’m blessed and to call on Him in times of need. I pronounce myself dependant upon Him, but my actions say I depend on myself. Hypocrisy.
The passage ends with my favorite all time question I’ve stumbled upon in the Bible. He says, “I will teach you about the hand of God; the Almighty I will not conceal.” And then he pops the question:
Surely all of you have seen it; Why then do you behave with complete nonsense?”
I love it. No sugar-coating. A direct call out. Hey dummy!
I don’t really have a good answer. Yes, I’ve seen the hand of God. It hasn’t been concealed. It’s been written across the sky, put up in bright lights, carved on my forehead. And yet, it’s so easy to behave with complete nonsense. To be a hypocrite. To not walk the walk. For me, it starts with getting serious about the church search again. Anyone with recommendations, fire away!
Earlier this year, an acquaintance of mine was battling financial and family troubles and needed a place to stay for a while. I hardly knew him at the time but felt compelled to invite him into our home. I felt like God was leading me to do that, so I obeyed.
Yesterday, he moved out after staying with us for several months. Longer than he or I had anticipated. He was a gracious guest, and we hardly knew he was even living here. So, it really wasn’t an inconvenience.
While it feels good to help someone, this experience has really brought home how hard it is to give freely. You might remember my discussion on the concept of “giving freely” from an earlier post. It was step four on how to be a radical Christian. http://tinyurl.com/4q66caw
I felt God calling me to help this man. And I did it with an obedient heart. But I didn’t give freely, at least not at first. There was a part of me that expected we would develop a close friendship. But as I just mentioned, he made himself so scarce (I’m assuming so he wouldn’t impose on our family) that we maybe had 5 real conversations the entire time he lived here. I honestly don’t know him much better than I did when I opened the door to my home.
At first, that disappointed me. And I had to stop placing myself in the middle of what was supposed to be a selfless act. I had to reach a point where I expected absolutely nothing in return. To be content with the act of giving and not to place a personal agenda on it. This is harder said than done, as many of you out there can surely confirm.
To truly give without expectation is tremendously difficult. At least for me. On top of the expected friendship, deep down somewhere I was probably also seeking affirmation and approval from others who saw the “good work” I was doing. I’ve talked about my need for validation several times, so this should come as no surprise.
It’s uncommon for us not to have our own agendas, no matter how pure our intentions are on the surface. Deep down, there’s probably some quid pro quo we’re after, something we’ll receive in return. I don’t want to discourage anyone out there from being charitable or doing good. I do suggest that when you are giving, try to become aware of what you might be looking for in return. If you can recognize it and then release it, you can truly “give freely” as we’re called to do. Otherwise, the danger is that the act of giving can create drama, hurt feelings and other negative consequences that are completely unnecessary.
As for me, my house guest has moved on to start a new chapter in his life. And in the end, I was able to give freely. It wasn’t easy, but one by one, I dismissed my internal agendas and allowed myself to give with no expectations: from my guest, my friends or even God. It feels much better that way, and I’m looking forward to putting it into practice more often.
I am horribly impatient. This is likely the biggest challenge I have before me as I set out to write a book. I used to write poetry and songs a lot. Not because I was overly interested in that form of writing, but because it provided me with instant (or nearly instant) gratification. Songs and poems are bite-sized. You can knock one out in the afternoon and feel like you accomplished something special. But a book…whoa, a book. That takes, I don’t know, months…years even.
This hurry up to hurry up mentality I have makes a nice and easy transition over into my faith walk. I always want God to be acting in my life, answering prayers, moving mountains. I want to be pursuing Him, pushing through obstacles. Doing stuff.
I was reading in Proverbs the other night, and God reminded me that patience is not only a great Guns-N-Roses tune (whistle anyone?), it truly is a virtue as well. In Proverbs 20:3 it says “It is honorable for a man to stop striving…” Later in verse 22, it says, “Wait for the Lord, and He will save you.” Just a few pages back in Psalms (37:7), it says “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him….
There are probably many reasons why God would have it this way. I’ve come up with some major themes of my own.
#1 God may have different timing. I’ve blogged about this one before.
#2 Waiting, being patient, standing still is an act of obedience, of trust, of faith. Psalms 37:8 – Do not fret, it only causes harm. Don’t know about you, but I fret a lot. I expend a ton of energy because I am not disciplined. I flail around in the deep waters because I don’t trust that my Lord will help me float.
#3 It helps us be more effective and successful. It allows us to stabilize and to firmly establish our balance. To be prepared. Proverbs 20:25 – It is a snare for a man to devote rashly something as holy and afterward to reconsider his vows. When we act on impulse and move too quickly, we rarely sustain momentum. In most things you do, pressing pause and being still for an extra moment dramatically reduces the likelihood that you will make a decision you end up regretting.
I’m trying to do more resting in the Lord. This doesn’t mean I won’t (or shouldn’t) intently pursue a relationship with Him. It’s just that I need to be more fully disciplined and open. Seek and listen. More engaged than active. And when I’m ready, and He’s ready, God will move.
As GNR would say…
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love, there’s one more thing to consider
Said sugar take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I’ll just use a little patience
As I was settling in tonight to sink my teeth into a work project that I should have finished during business hours, I felt the need to pause for a moment and read some scripture. Reset if you will. Take a moment to breathe in God and breathe out the toxic attitude I was carrying from a stressful, long, painful day.
Nowadays, when I read my Bible, I consistently take one of two approaches. 1. I thumb through the appendix looking for a specific topic that I think will speak to me. i.e. fear, sin, purpose, etc. 2. I randomly open the book and let my eyes turn where they may. I’ve had success with both approaches. Tonight, I rolled the dice and landed in Amos. I must say that I have no idea who Amos is, other than he is evidently famous and makes some really good chocolate chip cookies. I have no context for what the book of Amos is about. I do plan to research it after the fact, or after this post as it were.
In Amos, I landed on chapter 9, which according to its title speaks of “the destruction of Israel.” In other words, an upbeat, joyful read. Verses 1-5 basically can be summed up as saying, no matter where you try to hide, I (God) will find you. Whether you “dig into hell” or “climb into heaven” or “hide at the bottom of the sea” or “on the top of Carmel” it says, “I (God) will set My eyes on them, for harm and not good.”
I closed my Bible, feeling good about providing space for the Lord to speak. I briefly pondered the passage, noting that you can’t really hide from God. And then I turned back to my work project. As it turns out, God had more to say. I had grabbed a stray notebook to write in, something my wife had sitting around. After filling up one page with scrawl and scribbles, I turned to the next page and noticed a footer at the bottom, centered with quotations. It said, “How will I be different because of what I have just read?” Hmmm. Odd. I flipped to the next page, and there was the same quotation. It was the footer for every page in the notebook.
So, I stopped. And I asked myself the question. How will I be different because of what I just read? Obviously, I had not fully extracted the message God had for me. So, I meditated a bit longer on the verses and deeply considered how they applied to my life. After several minutes of silence, I broke through to the next level.
I can’t hide from God. That was my initial take. Upon further probing, I found myself contemplating when and how I usually try to hide from God. I do it often. I run from things that are hard. I duck behind my insecurities and fail to act even when it is the right thing to do. I dig a hole with sin, giving into temptation as a way to cope and a way to resist facing reality. Much like an ostrich with its head in the sand. Basically, I make excuses. I have a rationale or a reason for my inability to obey His call, to follow His will, to live by His word. I cast blame on my “human nature” or my “situation” or just life in general.
Some of my most common excuses include, but are not limited to:
I’m under a lot of stress right now. I just feel uncomfortable doing that. There’s too much going on. I can’t help myself. It’s not the right time. It’s too risky. No one would listen to me. I couldn’t pull it off. I’m not ready. I don’t think that’s really what God has for me. No one is perfect. I’ll do better next time. Today was just a tough day. She/He/They are really to blame. I’m the victim here. I’m not cut out for this. I just need a break. It’s not my place to get involved. She/He/They don’t care what I have to say. I don’t know where to start. It’s just too hard. Tomorrow is another day…
I could SO go on and on and on.
Bottom line is you can’t hide from God. If you want to know Him, to walk with Him, you have to step out from behind the excuses and take ownership of your situation. With two small children, I watch a lot of animated movies. There’s a scene in Madagascar which I love dearly. The penguin mafia has hijacked the ship, but they are having trouble operating it. The lead penguin responds to a sequence of explanations from his comrades by saying, “I don’t want excuses, I want results!” And then he slaps the offending bird across the face. Now, that is the way to approach our walk. No excuses. Just results.
I’m setting a goal for myself to be on the lookout for excuses. To not let myself off the hook so easily and to demand results. To at least understand the drivers behind my excuses so that I understand what it is I’m hiding behind. That will make it easier to step out from behind it. And to stop hiding from what God has for me, whether it is out of fear, lack of faith, sin or another culprit.
After all, I can’t truly hide from Him anyway, so it’s rather silly when you think about it. Kind of like when my kids play hide and seek with me, and insist on going to the same place (underneath the dining room table) where I can clearly still see them even though their hands are over their eyes. That must be what we look like to God when we throw up an excuse as a smoke screen. When we offer up a reason why we can’t obey. Or we try to rationalize our sin. Or cast blame and point fingers. How refreshing would it be if we stood before God and said, “You know, here’s the real reason I have fallen short, or why I’ve been unable to do what you’ve asked of me. So, I’m asking for your forgiveness, but I’m not making excuses.” Ownership is the first step toward true growth.
I’ll close by asking you a question. The same one God asked of me tonight. “How will you be different today because of what you just read?”
the way to (t)here 
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