Maverick and Goose said it best. I feel the need…the need…for speed. And for a moment, I thought I was just being impatient and rash. But everywhere I turn, I only hear that I in fact need…speed.

As I’ve reached out to people I trust and poured through scripture, a theme has emerged.

Among the advice I received was the following:

Call upon the Lord *while he is near* (Is 55:6).

If God calls you to jump…jump fast.

Even scripture seemed to scream it. I was turning back to the passage in Luke 9 that so deeply affected me on Sunday. And then I kept reading, until I landed at verse 59. Jesus calls out to a man and says, “Follow me.” The man replies that he first needs to bury his father. Jesus famously responds, “Let the dead bury their own.” Another man said he would follow but first needed to go and bid farewell to those at his house. Jesus responds. “No one, having put his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”

That sounds a bit harsh. But the point was clear, and I think that was the goal. God doesn’t really want to hear excuses from me right now. He doesn’t want to hear that I’ll follow, as soon as I get some things in order. That I’ll be right there, just let me straighten some stuff out first. I’m on my way, I just need to…This could go on forever. It’s been going on for three years with me. It never seems like it’s the right time to fully invest.

It’s been a real struggle. Given my current situation, I feel like I should be quickly securing my family’s finances by finding a stable job, and then figure out what this whole ministry thing is about. After all, there are bills to pay. But a part of me feels like that’s just me trying to bury the dead or say goodbye or put things into place so that it’s convenient to follow Him.

My convictions tell me that finding another job like the one I have is taking the easy way out, and that I need to stand my ground and let God work. That I need to act on my calling NOW. But for the life of me, I just don’t see how that is going to work out. How it can possibly work out. How anything can remotely be okay. I mean, I have no concrete direction or plan. I don’t have even a fraction of the faith required.

I only have this undeniable urge to follow. A gravitational pull that won’t let me stand still. The need … for speed.