I was reading a powerful piece of fiction this weekend called “The Sense of an Ending” by Julian Barnes. In the following passage, the narrator is examining the effects of time as he looks back on youth. I took it as a deeply insightful symbol for my life, specifically my pursuit of God’s will.

“We thought we were being mature when we were only being safe. We imagined we were being responsible but were only being cowardly. What we called realism turned out to be a way of avoiding things rather than facing them.”

My last post was about fear. I suppose this one is about how I rationalize it. How I cover it up and tell myself it’s not so much that I’m afraid but that I’m just doing “the right thing” and not being irresponsible, spontaneous and rash. How I perpetually postpone God’s requests because I’m not in control of what happens if I follow through.

The narrator closes the passage by saying, “Give us enough time and our best-supported decisions will seem wobbly, our certainties whimsical.” I can surely imagine a future where I look back and say, “Wow, what a flimsy, irrelevant collection of excuses I had for not doing what God called me to do, for not being obedient.”

I was just introduced to a great quote that sums this up rather well. I don’t know where it originated as a phrase, but Nike has used it on billboards. It’s short but brilliant.

“Yesterday, you said tomorrow.” 

When I read that for the first time, it was as if God were speaking directly to me.

Ouch. That one hurts.