I’ve been trying to write this post for two weeks. Every time I try, something happens. An “emergency” or a distraction. It’s so appropriate since the topic of this post is about taking action.

For a long time, I’ve been spending time with God, deepening my relationship. I’ve been pursuing Him. I’ve been blogging and sharing my journey. I’ve been busy trying to organize my thoughts in book form. I’ve explored my wounds, become much more self aware. But I haven’t really taken action.

There’s a great passage in James 2:22 where it says, “…by works was faith made perfect.” Basically that when you are taking action, when you are compelled and propelled to work for God, and trust in Him, your faith is on display.

I’ve been suffering from analysis paralysis. I’ve been deeply studying what makes me tick, examining my heart, all that. But somewhere along the way, I fell into the trap of just peeling the onion. Pulling back layer after layer and being engulfed by every new insight. I’ve become way too introspective and pensive. And while all that is fine and good, and I definitely needed it, I’ve failed to shine my faith outward.

I’ve never been more aware or in tune with what’s inside of me. And at the same time, I’ve never had less of a clue how to engage with the world around me.

I started my day today by stumbling upon a quote from Vincent Van Gogh. He once said, “The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found those dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore. ”

I think at some level, I’m just holding back because it is much safer to simply focus on myself and study my inner workings versus taking chances and putting myself out there for God to use.

The storm is keeping me ashore.

I ended my day by reading a few pages of The Naked Now. And by now you know that I’m a big fan of Richard Rohr. I’ve read this book numerous times. But these pages spoke a little differently to me this time around. He was talking about contemplatives who were really introverts, trapped in their own patterns, making their lives unnecessary torture for themselves and those around them. Citing them as frustrated and frustrating people.

I wasn’t thinking of it in such dramatic terms, but sure, that shoe fits well enough.

In the following pages, he made a point that hit squarely with me, saying, “You normally have to let go of the old and go through a new stage of unknowing or confusion, before you can move to another level of awareness or new capacity.” He said that people who are growing in their faith often suffer bouts of great doubt at many levels because of that growth.

I guess that’s why this post kept getting postponed. I needed to hear what Rohr and Van Gogh had to say on the subject. It’s so clear now. I am at a point in my journey where I keep feeling stuck. What’s really happening is that I’m supposed to be entering the next phase that God has for me, but I’m dragging my feet in fear, wanting to spend more time re-hashing what I’ve learned already, staying in a safer, less confusing environment. No way I’m wandering out into the storm, into the great unknown where I don’t have land beneath my feet.

God is very clearly telling me that the next step is for me to just take action. To do something. To serve. I’m going to move on that. At this very second, I really don’t know what that means. But while I’m looking for the boat to carry me out into the throws of the sea, I’m going to start wading into the water.