One of my favorite cartoons as a kid was G.I. Joe. Great action figures too! My parents must have dropped $1,500 investing in tiny plastic army guys with swivel parts and cool nicknames. And then there was Star Wars, oh and He-Man. Yeah, I was an action figure junkie. And with two small boys in the house, I’m sure I will get to be one again really soon.

But as usual, I digress. In every episode of G.I. Joe they closed with the following sign off from our hero. “So, now you know…and knowing is half the battle.” For most of my adult life, I carried that around as solid advice. Feels pretty good, right? Knowledge is power. Etc.

This week, it has finally dawned on me that after all this time, Joe doesn’t know jack. Knowledge isn’t half the battle. It’s not even a quarter of the battle. Yes, it is a necessary weapon, and I wouldn’t encourage you to wage war without it. But to suggest you are halfway there just because you’ve been enlightened is a slight exaggeration.

I am more self-aware now than at any point in my life. I am in tune with my sin, what triggers me, why it triggers me, my wounds, the way I respond.  I truly feel like I know and understand a great deal, especially after journeying this far and this long in active pursuit of God. And yet this week, just like several other blog  posts where I have confessed falling short, I find myself at the mercy of all that consistently ails me. Feeling anxious about circumstances in my life because my faith is running on empty. Placing pressure on myself because I am trying to stay in control instead of letting go and letting God. Fueling fires because of my insecurities and self perceptions. Making bad decisions based on selfishness.

I know better. I know each and every time I slip what the right action, thought, response is. I know God is good. That He is just. That He will provide. I know the lies are lies. I know. I know. I know. I know. And guess what? Knowing is NOT half the battle. Not even close.

When I find myself in this place, my first goal is to try and put the shovel down. If left to my own devices I will just keep digging the hole deeper and wider and plunge to greater depths by the minute. Once the shovel is at rest, I try to translate the knowledge I have trapped in my mind into action. I try to take one step that is counter to the path I am wandering. Just bend the momentum. Break the cycle. That usually works  well. Because as I’ve learned, knowledge is a powerful, necessary tool, but it’s only a tool. If you are able to transfer it into action, no matter how small, you are indeed halfway there. So, Joe…now you know!