I guess I’ve procrastinated long enough. I”ll share the grand plan with you now. When I first started writing this blog, it was mostly a way for me to journal and reflect on my journey. It quickly became a way for me to motivate myself and hold myself accountable by opening it to a handful of people around me. Just the idea that someone might check back in to read the blog was enough to spur me into maintaining it. Over time, I’ve been led to believe that someone out there might benefit from some of the things I’m going through, the insights God is sharing (no matter how simple), the struggles I am wrestling. And now, here I am, contemplating my next move.

Those who know me well, know that I am a self-proclaimed writer. It’s been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember, both professionally and personally. I’ve started and stalled on half a dozen novels, numerous collections of poetry and even a few non-fiction projects. I have enjoyed short stints as a freelance writer for sports publications. I even made it two years into an engagement to co-author a public relations textbook before pulling the plug because of “irreconcilable differences” between me and the publisher.

I’ve also internally debated how to use my interest in writing for a greater cause. I’ve talked to charities and causes. I’ve pitched books. I have burned endless brain cells with little in the way of breakthroughs. And now I am sitting on a pile of blog posts.  A year or so of actively pursuing a deeper spiritual walk. Lots of mini epiphanies and glimpses of God. And finally, a realization that maybe this is the writing project I’ve been seeking. That maybe I should be taking the issues and insights I’ve discussed in this forum and further develop them into something more formal and constructed. So, looks like I’m writing a book on the topic of seeking God. Wish me luck.

In the name of full disclosure, I’ve been dreading posting this, saying it “out loud” because as usual I immediately am waging battle against the lies. Here are a few I’m hearing loud and clear, trying not to believe.

1. You aren’t a good enough writer to make this work. It’s not like you’ve been tremendously compelling with the blog so far. What makes you think you can complete a book on this topic?

2. What are you going to offer that isn’t already out there? The bookshelves are fully stocked with advice and guidance from leading experts, pastors, academics, celebrities, theologians, etc. Your “expertise” pales in comparison. Your story isn’t all that special.

3. Your motivations are not pure. Do you want to write this book to help others, to share what God has blessed you with, or are you just seeking validation? Are you just looking to have a sense of accomplishment? To hear people tell you that you’re a good writer? To be successful?

I could go on, but these are the three that dominate my daily thoughts. I share this because I have an unprecendented desire to be transparent and real, something that is missing from your average, everyday Christian. I have flaws. I have wounds. I have failures. I have doubts. I am human. I am a writer.

I am going to write this book, no matter how pervasive these lies become. No matter if some of them play out to be true. No matter if obstacles and roadblocks and challenges create a difficult path. And once it is done, I will give it to God and see what He has in His plan for it. Whether it was just to fuel my own personal walk or whether others will benefit from it, I will accept it fully with praise.