What’s going on inside me?

I despise my own behavior

This only serves to confirm my suspicions

That I’m still a man in need of a Savior.

Poignant lyrics from a dc Talk song called, In the Light. I heard it again today for the first time in a long time. I played it 10 times in a row, just to hear that chorus and to internalize it.  

Clean up always takes time. Whether it’s an oil spill, the aftermath of a tragic storm or a living room turned upside down by toddlers, restoration is a time-consuming process that requires investment and patience. Like many people, I am geared for performance. My goal is to achieve.  I need to get more comfortable being a work in progress, a restoration project, an investment. Repairing my relationship with God and maintaining His will is not a fast or easy endeavor. Not because He makes it difficult. That part is on me.

I’ve shared before that I believe we need to change the way we keep score and praise progress instead of dangling perfection like an unattainable carrot. Even with that mindset, sometimes it is hard for me to recognize the progress. Sometimes the progress is so very small. Sometimes it is as small as simply remembering I am still a man in need of a Savior.