Give privately. Receive publicly. I don’t know about you, but I could not be more backwards about this if I tried.

We do our real business with God in the backroom. We unpack our bags and get real. With no witnesses. No one to see the grace and the mercy and the impact. In public, we suit up and serve. We make grand gestures. We make sure to be seen sowing. Actually, I should use the pronoun “I” and let others decide whether this fits them as well. Sorry to project.  

A while back I heard a sermon on giving in which the presenter emphasized that we are called to give anonymously. That we should not draw attention to ourselves in service. (Give privately)

Meanwhile, I’ve seen people with very public struggles who have not only turned their lives around but also positively influenced others in the process and served as glowing endorsements of what our God is all about. (Receive publicly)

There is a parable in Luke 8:26-39 about a man possessed by demons. He approaches Jesus in a crowd, desperate to be healed. Jesus obliges, driving the demons out of him and into a herd of swine who run downhill into a pond and drown.

A few interesting things about this story (other than pigs running downhill into a pond to drown). 1. His plea for help was a public one. (As is the case in many parables like this one). 2. The people who witnessed the feat were also greatly impacted. They immediately ran to tell others what they had seen. 3. The people they told came to see for themselves, but they reacted with fear, and that fear was contagious. The entire region asked Jesus to leave because of this fear. 4. Jesus responded by instructing the man to go back to his home and tell of the miracle. He did so, proclaiming to the whole city what Jesus had done.

Quick question. What if he had approached Jesus in private, one on one with no witnesses? And what if he then kept the miracle of his healing to himself and didn’t share it with the world?

I believe there are two basic challenges that heavily contribute to the flip-flop that I’ve been experiencing.

The first challenge I see is that most churches emphasize service at the expense of personal growth. When the main statistic to judge success is the number of “professions of faith” then I think we miss a big, big part of it. Is it important to reach more people with the Gospel and to lead more people to Christ? Is it important to serve and to give and to do good? I’d have a hard time saying no, obviously. But what I’ve come to realize more deeply is that our primary purpose on this earth is to be in relationship with God, to honor and worship Him, to simply be with Him. The rest of His plan will unfold from there. But it is easy for us to experience guilt when we feel compelled to spend time working on ourselves. Sorry, I’m doing it again. It’s easy for “me” to experience guilt.

The second challenge I see is that most Christians are like me. They are driving in reverse. Receiving privately. Giving publicly. They get overly concerned about damaging their witness, and forsake opportunities to be real, open, transparent and yes, flawed, when interacting with others. They seek redemption in the privacy of their own homes, but stand tall in public, demonstrating the good they are contributing. The best role models are not beautiful. They are broken. Just like the man with the demons inside, the power lies in witnessing the grace and goodness of God.

No wonder fear is such a common emotion for us,  just like the people in the parable. When we see this in action, or think about doing it ourselves, we freak out. We are afraid. We don’t know how to respond. It’s just too weird and uncomfortable. This man, and his approach, should be the rule, not the exception. 

I will be honest. This is one of the biggest struggles I have. It scares me to death to put my flaws out on display, to truly open up and be me (good, bad, ugly). So, I’ll be up front and say that I am definitely not practicing what I’m preaching. Yet. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get it. I do.  So now all I need is a herd of pigs, a pond and a little bravery.