It was supposed to be a networking lunch with a former professional colleague who had moved on to a new opportunity. We had worked relatively closely together for a couple of years but hadn’t had many personal conversations. I knew he was a Godly man. As it turns out, he didn’t have as clear a view on my faith, which was a wake up call of sorts. But that’s a different discussion.

Halfway through our meal, which to this point had been peppered with small talk and discourse on the current healthcare environment, Dexter mentioned that he had just returned from preaching at a church in California where he used to be a member. Evidently he makes a pilgrimage or two every year to lead worship. This sparked me to share with him the journey I’d embarked on and where I was currently struggling, specifically regarding prayer and the ups and downs I’d been having in that department. Well, surprise, surprise. Can you guess what Dexter’s recent sermon was all about? Yep. PRAYER!

Dexter and I then got down to real business. He shared the highlights of his sermon, and we talked more about my journey. He promised to send me an email with his speaker notes for the prayer sermon, as well as a new sermon he was preparing on salvation, hoping I might provide some feedback on it. He did, and I did. And we both were blessed.  It was yet another sign of God working well with whatever material I provided Him, whatever situation or circumstance I presented.

By the way, here’s the big takeaway for me from Dexter’s prayer talk. Quoting the book, Desire of Ages, Dexter said, “The Lord is disappointed when His people place a low estimate upon themselves. He desires His chosen to value themselves according to the price He has placed upon them. He has a use for them, and He is well pleased when they make the very highest demands upon Him, that they may glorify His name. They may expect large things if they have faith in His promises.”

Wow, confirmation that my ongoing desire to use my spiritual gifts to do great things for God is on target. Although, Dexter continued by quoting James 4:3 – “You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your own pleasures.” There it goes again. The question of motivation and intent. Sigh.

And then Dexter uncovered an equally large challenge that likely was getting in my way as well. Again in James (1:6-8) – “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

I definitely don’t ascribe to astrology, but I do know that my sign is Gemini. And that means I’m a twin. With conflicting sides. And that part is soooooo very true for me. This verse calls it on the carpet. I’m standing here making demands of God. Asking Him to use me in a special way. Asking for clarity in purpose. And deep down, I don’t really trust that He’ll answer the prayer. I’ve been conditioned to think that I’ve been asking for this for years with no adequate response from Him. That I’ve struggled with this forever, and why will it be any different this time around. But if I don’t have faith, if I don’t trust completely, I’ll self-fulfil that prophecy. Faith comes from faith, as Dexter would suggest. Meaning that I have to continue to sharpen the blade before I’m ready to cut anything. That will require more prayer, more obedience and in time, more faith. Patience is a virtue. I happen to be lacking enormously in that department. Time to work on that I suppose.